i only wanted to post a comment

Farewell to Blogger.com

2011-07-04T22:49:00.003+01:00

So, it's been fun, but now the time has come to say farewell to blogger. It's not that I don't like it, it's just I wanted to bring everything into one place that I can control, and so my new home on t'internet can be found at marktuma.net for anyone who's interested...

London Ambulances

2011-06-30T18:41:00.001+01:00

London Ambulances
Originally uploaded by Mark Tuma.

London Ambulances

Daniel with a phone

2011-06-20T17:22:00.001+01:00

Daniel with a phone
Originally uploaded by Mark Tuma.

Daniel with a phone

Everyday Metaphors

2011-05-12T15:50:00.000+01:00

Perhaps we can see another world through some everyday things?

I shower each day to get clean, but God has made me clean forever.

I put on clothes to cover myself, but God has covered me in righteousness.

I turn the phone chargers off to save money & power, but God has freely given me His power which will never run out.

I use pegs to holds the washing on the line, God gives me His word and His people to keep me properly attached.

I balance the load on the rotary drier to stop it from creaking, God offers to take the strain and stress from our souls.

I make pack lunches so my children have what they need each day, God answers prayers so I have what I need.

Gloves protect my hands as I wash up, but God has no barrier with us. His hands are dirty.

I wait for the water to run hot, but the Living Water is instant-on.

Choir practice

2011-05-11T22:39:00.000+01:00

Choir practice
Originally uploaded by Mark Tuma.

Via Flickr:
Just playing with what's possible on my Motorola Defy really, but I like the lo-fi-ness of it, and it solves any privacy problems with the blurred and blown out faces!

A Walk in Horsford Woods

2011-04-01T13:47:00.005+01:00

A Walk in Horsford Woods
Originally uploaded by Mark Tuma.

A Walk in Horsford Woods

2011-04-01T13:47:00.003+01:00

A Walk in Horsford Woods
Originally uploaded by Mark Tuma.

A Walk in Horsford Woods

2011-04-01T13:47:00.001+01:00

A Walk in Horsford Woods
Originally uploaded by Mark Tuma.

Calling SQL Geniuses!

2011-03-30T16:11:00.000+01:00

Any SQL ninjas out there? My brain hurts trying to work out the correct syntax for this, your help would be much appreciated!!

Any ideas?

It's part of a larger query I need to construct, so if you figure this part out I'll reward you with more satisfying puzzles - what a treat!

Grace

2011-03-19T11:23:00.001Z

Grace
Originally uploaded by Mark Tuma.

Fear - An Introduction

2011-03-01T12:37:00.000Z

I've been thinking about fear this morning. Actually it would be more accurate to say I've been recognising some fears I've taken on and confessing them to God in prayer.

This is me after a night fighting bush fires
(and about 12 weeks after a haircut!)
Original on flickr.

Years ago I spent some time in Mozambique, and one of the things that happened there was that I spent a night fighting forest fires with a wet sack and a shovel. That was an interesting experience in a lot of ways, and there were things to fear within it, but for the most part during and after I wasn't afraid - one of the team made a comment along those lines the next day. She said something along the lines of, "You just kept going, no fear!"

Every time we were in a dicey situation that night, we found ourselves praising God as we (literally) ran for our lives, or beat the flames back from the houses, or set off to another flare-up someone had spotted. There were some moments of exhaustion, when maybe we could have given up the fight, but then someone would 'encourage' us with a cheerful cry of, "Get moving you slackers! Stop standing around!" and we would push on. We beat the fire, we lived to tell the tale, and in the photo linked above you can see a girl dancing for joy in the background as she celebrates the victory.

So, I took that experience, along with my trust in God, and decided that I didn't fear anything anymore. After all, if God is for us who can be against us? I believe in God and I believe God, so I decided that fear wasn't part of life.

This morning I realised that I've lost that a little. The constant pessimism and negativity which seems to be pervading the world at the moment has infected me to a degree, so I find that I fear a number of things:

I fear there is no hope for the Middle East. I fear that parts of the region will descend into violence and chaos, making lives miserable there and fomenting terrorism here. I fear that my ageing Granny in Iraq will suffer in her frailty and ultimately die too soon.
I fear that in our country and others like it morality is being suppressed by capitalism, hedonism and tolerance. I fear that the world my children grow up will be toxic to their souls.
I fear that our society will choose to forget God, even as a concept and guiding principle. I fear that because of that, churches and Christian charities will face financial decline and eventual closure, meaning that many many good things are no longer done.
I fear for the generation of young people whose lives will be blighted by unemployment and a sense of purposelessness over the next few years. I fear no one will bring hope.
I fear that I might become too weary for the now unavoidable and continual process of change.
I fear that this month NYFC might run out of money.
etc, etc.

So, what to do with all that then? Well, the first thing I realised is I have no doubt in God himself, in his existence, his power, his purpose and desires for us. The world around me may forget he exists, but that won't affect his existence one way or another - he is not made real because we believe in him, we believe in him because he is real. My questions and doubts are not about God, they are about our collective response to God. I guess they are also about how the collective response will affect me personally.

This morning I talked to God about these fears, and I read Psalm 27 as I was doing that. It's a great psalm (aren't they all?) and it comes from a man who knew what it was like to have the fear that everything was going to hell in a handbasket.

The LORD is my light and my salvation;
whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life;
of whom shall I be afraid?

I spent a good amount of time just concentrating on these first two verses, repeating them to myself and remembering the truth contained within them. Do these verses mean that will always be easy? Of course not! That night with the fire wasn't easy, but I realised that night, and remembered again this morning, that ultimately 'safety' is not about what happens here and now, it's about whether we walk with God or not. We Christians should have an eternal perspective, and from that eternal perspective our safety is assured. Anything that happens to us now is a passing phenomenon, not a permanent condition.

One thing I have asked of the LORD, that I will seek after;
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to inquire in his temple.

This was the second bit of the Psalm to catch my attention. What do I want ultimately? Is it to be well-regarded, to be comfortable, to be financially secure, to be proud of my children? Those are all fine things, but actually, when it comes down to it I want to be one who first and foremost dwells with God forever.

This morning I have remembered the truth that God is my light, my salvation and my stronghold. I have remembered that my security is defined not by comfort now, but by dwelling with him forever. Fear? Not here.

I've called this an introduction post, because I intend to blog a little more about fear, maybe in these headings:

Fear of knowledge - can our faith be rendered obsolete?
Fear for others - how do we reconcile the suffering of others?
Fear of failure - can we cope with not making the grade?
Fear of speaking out - can we articulate a counter-cultural viewpoint with confidence and compassion?

I'd love to know what you all think, and whether there are other fears you'd like me to ponder. Leave a comment and let me know.

Eight Years Ago We Marched

2010-12-28T08:02:00.000Z

One of these photos came up as my random desktop background this morning. Eight years later people still suffer and die in Iraq. And then there's Afghanistan...

Hard Work & the Amateur Christian

2010-12-12T08:09:00.001Z

Note, another talk prep post, another long one, bits in red are reminders for me when I actually do the talk, or maybe links, you'll just have to see...

Image by Ian W Scott via Flickr

Colossians 4:12-13 - Epaphras, who is one of you, a servant of Christ Jesus, greets you, always struggling on your behalf in his prayers, that you may stand mature and fully assured in all the will of God. For I bear him witness that he has worked hard for you and for those in Laodicea and Hierapolis.

The people at Light of Life Church in Ormesby have been looking at Colossians for a while so I won't go into detail about the book itself, except to say that I found reading through it this week an encouragement to my faith. It's a nice length for reading in one go, even if it has some of Paul's usual slightly hard to follow sentence style!

I haven't been given any particular verses to speak on. Instead the instruction was, "Talk about whatever you find interesting in Colossians. If someone else said it last week that's fine!"

Thematically I'd sum Colossians up as being amazing christology; applied spiritual outworkings of the christology; and good practical instructions about how to be, but the people I'm talking too have probably figured that out already after hearing ten talks on this book! So, I read through trying to listen for what God might want to particularly highlight to me and maybe the people at Light of Life too. Here's what I meandered into...

Any Given Human
Before getting into anything else, it's worth reminding ourselves of something: the people we read about in Colossians are just everyday people like you and I. The church wasn't made up of superheroes, and Paul wasn't some imposing giant of a man living in the lap of luxury. They had problems, pressures, weaknesses and insecurities just like you and I do, so whatever they managed to do we can also do. Our modern life doesn't excuse or remove us from facing up to challenging things, or from being transformed. Paul and co were, on average, just as ugly and stupid and inept and focussed and beautiful and clever and talented and distracted as we are.

Is something within you wanting to disagree here? Do you find yourself thinking of all the 'yes, buts' that you might use to refute that? [How about some example 'yes, buts' here?] For instance, maybe we'd like to think the Road to Damascas call that Paul received set him apart from the rest of us? Well, no, and I refer you to my previous entry on weakness here for why not. So, no whinging or weasling from anyone as we go forward alright?

Tidal Patterns
As I read through Colossians I noticed a current of prayer weaving in and around the general thematic structure of book. There's a flow of prayer back and forth between Paul and his co-workers and the church at Colossae. It begins in the third verse, where Paul begins to tell the Colossians how he prays for them, and as usual he cannot contain himself so just writing about his history of praying for them leads him off into praise of God and further prayer. This is one of the things I like about Paul by the way, he always seems to me to be someone who gets so enthusiastic about what he's saying that he just can't help himself so he ends up off on tangents before remembering that he was trying to make a point here somewhere!

The next explicit mention of prayer comes in the last chapter of the book, where Paul instructs the Colossians to 'devote [them]selves to prayer, being watchful and thankful'. In the next couple of verses he asks that they pray for him and his co-workers as they continue to speak about the Gospel to all around them.

The final mention comes in verse 12, when Paul writes about Epaphras. Epaphras was the person who first preached the Gospel in Colossae (1:7), and probably founded the church there. Paul tells them that Epaphras prays for them, a lot.

All of this is there to encourage the Colossians. They are not in this alone, they have the committed support of many others, and they have direct access to God through prayer. I think there's an example and implication here for all believers though. This flow back and forth of prayer that Paul describes is a pattern that should be the norm for all of us, but I suspect our current experience doesn't quite match up.
[For instance, how much have we been praying for, and encouraging, Christians of Our Lady of Deliverance in Iraq? Or closer to home, how much do you pray for the person sitting next to you during the week?]

Hard Work and Struggle, the Believers' Blues

Image via Wikipedia

Personally, I am rubbish at prayer. I don't do it 'often enough', and when I do I'm easily distracted and don't spend long enough. I always forget to pray for people, even when there's pretty significant stuff going on for them. If you're my friend I should probably apologise for praying for you so little!

Somewhere along the line I think I've formed the impression that prayer should be easy. I think I've decided that if it's not easy, then probably I'm not 'gifted' in it, and maybe it'd be better to leave it to the people who are. I tend to think of 'those people' as being little old ladies who somehow get the 'prayer gift' on reaching 70! So, when prayer needs to be done my best plan is, "Quick, find a little old lady!"

Again, apologies if you are a little old lady.

Generally I think it's better and more effective for me to do things I'm good at and excited by, and to encourage others to do the same. For instance, I don't attempt to do detailed admin tasks at NYFC, because Fliss and Becca are both much better, and actually get excited by that stuff! I'm pretty convinced by things like Strengthsfinder, and I'm positive that as an organisation we'll do the best work if I create a space for people to be passionate, creative and inventive in their pursuit of our goal.

There's a problem here though. Epaphras is 'always wrestling in prayer', and Paul vouches for him 'that he is working hard'. That hard work is the prayer. As an aside, notice in the light of this that Paul is talking about prayer in chapter two as well, when he writes of 'contending' for the Colossians.

It doesn't sound like Paul or Epaphras find praying to be something easy, like falling off a log. It sounds like it actually requires continuing commitment and effort to keep praying for the church at Colossae. That can't be right can it? I mean, if they had to put effort, struggle and hard work into praying in it would mean there was no excuse for us!

Inspiration is for Amateurs
Here's a quote from American artist, Chuck Close:

Image by Mike McCaffrey via Flickr

'"Inspiration is for amateurs. The rest of us just show up and get to work in the belief that things will grow out of the activity itself and that you will, through work, bump into other possibilities and kick open other doors that you would never dream up if you were just sitting around looking for a great art idea."'

Or, to paraphrase, 'Inspiration is for amateurs, professionals get to work.'

I've been rolling this around my head over the last week or so after hearing it a couple of times in relation to photography (most recently on The Photography Podcast with Ted Forbes and Wade Griffith, check it out). Chuck Close is a photographer and artist. He is steeped in creativity so maybe at first it seems odd to hear him talking about being professional. Don't people become artists because they're gifted? Isn't some like Chuck just born with that creativity? Shouldn't a 'proper artist' wait for the inspiration and then ride that wave of creativity to it's glorious conclusion?

Chuck doesn't think so. Chuck thinks sitting around waiting for inspiration to happen is a ticket to mediocrity. Chuck seems to think that if you're going to call yourself an artist (or let others use that term about you) you better get on with it and work hard, put in effort and commitment. That can't be right can it? I mean, if he has to put effort, struggle and hard work into doing good art it would mean there was no excuse for...

Chuck reckons that the way to get better at something is to do it, not to wait to be better at it.

Practice - Art, Skill & Discipline
I wonder if we've lost the idea of practice somewhere? I was chatting to someone about their son the other day, and the conversation was along the lines of, "He could have done a music degree, but he knew he wouldn't practice enough." The chap in question is undeniably talented, but even he knows he lacks the discipline of practice that he'd need to complete a music degree.

Perhaps the problem is that we live in such an instant world. For example, the other day I did in less than five minutes something that would have taken weeks before - I bought Daft Punk's soundtrack for Tron Legacy. Why would it have taken weeks before? Well, I bought it on the recommendation of someone I know and like but hardly ever see. Back in the day if she wanted to recommend that album to me she'd have had to either write or wait until she saw me, but now she tweeted (to the world, not just me) how good it was, I read that a minute later, went (virtually) to a popular online merchant and purchased the mp3 download (for £3.99, bargain), and was listening to the album two minutes later! Side note - on first play it's not quite as good as I'd hoped for...

Almost everything that I like to purchase can be done that way these days. The times when I have to actually wait for something are few and far between, and they're mostly for things I know I have to get but am less keen on anyway - things like shoes, necessary but I don't get excited about them.

So, in most of life if I want something to be mine I don't have to put in effort, or patience, I just click and it's done. That makes me averse to those things which do take time, effort or patience. It's just such a hassle, so much so that I'll decide to be a content amateur rather than put in the graft most of the time.

The problem is that doesn't work for Christianity, or at least not for healthy Christianity. Sure, we can just get saved and then slack off, but that's not what Jesus talks about, it's not what Paul talks about, and it's not what brings transformation to the world around us.

Think about one of Paul's most famous metaphors for the Christian life:

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

Paul compares our life of faith to a marathon, not a sprint. It's a hard slog of a race which takes hard slogging in training, and the thing for Paul is it's not really about running against others, it's about pushing through to completion. His competition is against himself. The picture is not about instant gratification, it's about continuing struggle and effort. I've been persuaded or inspired or something to take part in a team triathlon this Summer (so look out for sponsorship forms coming your way soon!), which I think means I get to do a 40k cycle ride. I do not expect to waltz up on the day and just hop on a bike. I expect that being able to put in that effort on the day is going to require an awful lot of effort before then...

We do live in a world of instant supply, but we can't let that infect our understanding and practice of God's Kingdom.

Anything Worth Having...
... is worth fighting for.

So, atheletes train to win, musicians practice to play beautiful music, artists get up and go to work to produce inspired works. What about Christians? What is it that's worth fighting for for us? What is it that could motivate us to put in the sheer effort I'm talking about?

Well, in the most tangible sense, we can be different. When I became a Christian I realised that swearing wasn't compatible with what I believed in, so I stopped. It was pretty hard work to train myself out of that ingrained pattern of behaviour, but I did it by constant effort and having a little conversation with God everytime I caught myself doing it. Now that's a pretty trivial example, but I think it works for other things too. How different could we each be if we just put in the effort? Those areas where we're not so proud of ourselves don't always have to be that way you know.

We can be better than we are. There was a time when I was a pretty good bass player, whereas now I'm distinctly average (at best). Back in the day my fingers could do things which would be completely beyond me now, and the difference is not that I've become less musical, or that old age has set in and made my joints not work (hopefully that's a few years off yet!). The difference is that back then I was doing it a lot, now I don't. It's the practice.

On the other hand, I was speaking at a camp in the Summer and one of the volunteers said they couldn't imagine being able to stand up in front of a bunch of young people and speak confidently to them. I'm not phased by doing this anymore, but I was when I hadn't done it much. What made the difference? It's the practice.

But to focus back on prayer, Paul and Epaphras prayed, and wanted the church at Colossae to pray, because they knew it was effective. P&E were encouraged by what they heard about Colossae, and they wanted to do what they could to encourage and help them. They knew the most effective tool they had, the best 'bang for buck', was prayer.

At this point you might be saying, "Yes, but how? How do I get from where I am now, to having the capacity to pray like those guys did?"

Well, first remember that we're not talking about mythical beings here, these are ordinary people 'contending' in this way.

Luke 11 is also helpful here I think. I know the Lord's prayer is often taught as a great outline and systematic structure for prayer, but to be honest I'm not convinced that's really what Jesus did here. To me it reads more like the disciples asking for prayer instruction because they figure there must be some trick or technique that explains how Jesus is able to pray so much, and how He can do all the other stuff He does. Jesus' response kind of says, 'no tricks, shortcuts or formulae, there is just these simple truths and the getting on with it.'

So, really, this isn't a talk full of easy and convenient news for you! That's ok though, because a life of faith isn't supposed to be easy and convenient! This is a talk that says when it comes down to it being an 'amateur' Christian isn't enough and 'inspiration is for amateurs, professionals get up and get to work'.

Some Winter Images

2010-12-08T21:04:00.000Z

Not quite sure which I prefer of these two

These last two I like for the un-wintery colour explosion

A high key cat

A Blatant Present List

2010-12-07T20:34:00.002Z

There's no way to dress this up so it looks noble, so here's a quick list of things I'd like that I can think of this evening, just in case anyone wonders...

Blues Brothers and Blues Brothers 200 on DVD
Cars Original Soundtrack
A month's subscription to Kelby Training - $25
A Metz 45 CL-4 from ebay - somewhere between £50 and £100 I guess
A Lumopro LP 160 - £120 so not much hope of this one!
A Westcott 45" Umbrella - £30ish
A Lumopro LP606 Stand - £35ish
And, the final-not-a-chance-of-this-one entry, a Sony 85 f2.8 lens - a snip at around £200 ;)

On Wikileaks

2010-12-02T07:32:00.000Z

A short one, but I'm of the opinion that Wikileaks has crossed a line recently. International diplomacy functions because of confidentiality, not in spite of it. Those who call for complete transparency 'so the public can decide' forget that we live in a world with a definite darker side, the public are not read or equipped to deal with it.

I also think Wikileaks is not an unbiased source.

Surprises and Advent

2010-11-28T09:54:00.000Z

Note: This is really sermon prep, so it might be a bit all over the place.

“But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. As it was in the days of Noah, so it will be at the coming of the Son of Man. For in the days before the flood, people were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, up to the day Noah entered the ark; and they knew nothing about what would happen until the flood came and took them all away. That is how it will be at the coming of the Son of Man. Two men will be in the field; one will be taken and the other left. Two women will be grinding with a hand mill; one will be taken and the other left.

"Therefore keep watch, because you do not know on what day your Lord will come. But understand this: If the owner of the house had known at what time of night the thief was coming, he would have kept watch and would not have let his house be broken into. So you also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him.

Image via Wikipedia

When was the last time you were surprised? I wonder whether there's something popping into your mind straight away or whether like me you've found that a tricky question to answer quickly. I've been trying to think of surprising things all morning, and it's funny but I find it much easier to remember the disappointing events than the positive and exciting surprises! For example the migraine that prompted my last blog post was a surprise in the sense that I had no prior warning, but I think I'd definitely call it a disappointment, not a surprise...

Interestingly enough, according to thefreedictionary.com surprise is from the french roots sur and prendre, which I think translate as 'on' and 'take', but prendre is from the latin 'prehendere' meaning 'seize', so the etymology seems to carry a more unpleasant weight than we use today - neither being 'seized on' nor 'apprehended' sound like fun do they?

Still, today I think we tend to use it in a more pleasant way by default. Surprise feels like it ought to be a positive word, so something like winning a prize in a competition you forget you have entered would fit nicely.

The passage from Matthew 24 at the top of this post will be preached from in Anglican churches all over the world this weekend. It's a passage where Jesus is talking about his second coming, but on the first Sunday in Advent we can't help but make its application a bit wider than that. In my sermon I'm going to suggest there are three things to think about:

Do we believe in surprises anymore?
Have we downgraded Christmas, and the Second Coming, to the realm of metaphor?
Have we realised that Jesus is already here?

Do we still believe?

Iraq doesn't have a national football team, and until it does I'm stuck with England. England supporters, players and managers seem to have a great ability to believe great things are possible every time we go into a major tournament. I suppose for the players it can be justified as 'visualisation', 'self-belief' or some other sports psychology technique, but for everyone else it's just a mass delusion isn't it?

My theory is that none of us actually believe England are going to win things, but we pretend that we do just so that it still seems like there's purpose in it all. England's dream of success is the fairy tale required to justify the investment, but under the surface everyone knows it's not real. Even Paul the Octopus knew. So when the inevitable failure came we just got on with life, no-one was devastated or crushed by the news because we totally expected it.

I wonder whether we think like this about any kind of good surprise we might imagine. In Genesis 12 God tells Abram that a key part of his function is to be blessed, to just receive blessings that God chucks on him. There's no conditional clause, God just says this is what's meant to happen. I think most of us Christians still 'believe' that God still intends us (whether we're Christians or not) to be blessed, and that the universe is set up for our good, but I don't think we really truly expect to be surprised by undeserved blessings coming to us. I think we're far more likely to expect disappointment than goodness in life, and that's a bit of a shame really.

Have we downgraded?

Continuing the football theme, perhaps part of the reason that many of us don't really expect a pleasant surprise from the England team is that we weren't actually around the last time it happened. 1966 and all that is a long time ago, and yes we've seen the grainy coverage and we've heard the stories trotted out every few years, but we haven't felt it for ourselves. The people who were there tell us about something outside of our experience, so it's hard to relate to. The people giving us promises for the future are ultimately unable to make those promises as they do not have the power to make reality conform to their desires. England managers can talk a lot, but they cannot miraculously transform the players on the pitch, except maybe by nobbling the opposition...

So it's not surprising that England fans have downgraded the dream into a fairy tale, and that Christians have downgraded Christmas, and the Second Coming, into a metaphor. 0 AD was a very long time ago, and we have written words rather than TV footage. None of us know anyone who was there, and the world around us is full of disbelief and sometimes wilful misunderstanding*. So it's maybe easier for us if we subconsciously begin to regard Christ as a metaphor rather than an actual person and Christmas as a fable rather than a historic event. That way we can extract some good moral teaching without having to ask any difficult questions, and place Christianity in the "that's nice" category of life without facing up to the demands, or blessings, of transformation. Again, back to Genesis 12, God asks Abram to leave three things behind, and one of those is the place he knows - God is asking Abram to take steps into the unknown, to abandon safe and comfortable living for the possibilities of something much greater. The subconscious downgrading to metaphor status gives us a safe and comfortable place, but it's not nearly as exciting.

Have we realised Jesus is already here?
Even after we see the danger of the metaphor trap, we can still trip ourselves up by assuming the second coming is so far off as to be irrelevant.

I wonder what we imagine when we think of Jesus coming back? Some of us presumably visualise passages from Revelation, and have great horses, angels, beasts, leviathans and other things all in an imaginary diorama. Some of us perhaps think of it in a much more personal way (and I think this is how I've heard it preached the most) where it becomes about what if Jesus turned up in your living room RIGHT NOW? Usually, I've heard sermons along the lines of, "Wouldn't it be embarrassing if you were watching something unholy, and suddenly there's Jesus sitting on the sofa next to you? Imagine how bad you'd feel then eh? Imagine having to explain to Jesus exactly why you were watching that straight-to-video Steven Seagal movie when you could have been reading the Bible eh?"

There's merit in those sermons, because God is undoubtedly concerned with our behaviour and the question of holiness. In Matt 24 as in other places where he's talking of the second coming Jesus is talking about the importance of being ready, and about the need to make sure our lives are fitting for his return. There are two problems with only preaching that kind of sermon about the return of Christ though. The first issue is that in the new covenant God seems to major a lot more on carrot than on stick, and the second is that those sermons seem to have forgotten the Holy Spirit.

Perhaps there's a better balance to be had where we see the Second Coming as something to be celebrated and looked forward to, not as something to fear for its potential to embarrass us? Perhaps we can remember that not only is this not one big metaphor, but that part of the reason for our existence is to enjoy being blessed by God. I think that's a much better motivation for a right life than worrying about the stick anyway, after all, 'his kindness is intended to lead us to repentance' as Romans 2:4 puts it.

More immediately though, we must not forget that Jesus is already here with us in the Holy Spirit. Some of our brothers and sisters in different denominations might interact with Him more often than we remember to, but God has given the Holy Spirit to each and every one of us. So, there's no point worrying about Jesus review of the Steven Seagal film come the second coming, he's already been watching it with us every time, by his Holy Spirit within us!

Again, we can focus on the stick aspect of this - we can't get away with anything - but let's try to focus on the carrot instead. The presence of the Holy Spirit within us means that the blessing is never far away, and transformation lurks around every corner, which is nice.

*I got distracted for a while by someone else's blog where the author had listed '28 reasons to be ashamed of Jesus'. The 28 reasons were based on quotes of Jesus surgically removed from all context and any effort to understand the meaning, but the author seemed proud of themselves for coming up with such a cast-iron refutation (I say that with a measure of sarcasm) of centuries of scholarship. Sometimes I wonder about people.

Headaches, Weakness, Gideon

2010-11-22T20:13:00.001Z

Oooh, it's been a while...

I've always liked to think of myself as a pretty healthy individual. When I was a kid I remember hearing people say things like, "Well, if you've got your health, that's the main thing!" I think I took that on board in all its positive meaning, i.e. that health is something we ought to appreciate, not just take for granted. I think I probably took on board a negative assumption there too though, that ill-health has some sort of shame associated with it. You can't really get around the fact that ill-health marks you out as weak, or at least weaker than those who are not ill, and there's a bit of a sense of failure for me sometimes when I'm ill. As a child I was pretty healthy (apart from being overweight for a while - I can't quite remember but I may have been a 13 stone 14 year old), and generally I still am, but passing years introduced their own weaknesses. For instance, I twisted one knee as a 17 year old when I was out running in the winter and slipped on some ice, and I twisted the other falling off my bike as an 18 year old at university. Neither knee ever got back to being 100%, so now I can't run more than a mile at most. You deal with that kind of thing though, particularly when there's an air of manliness about how you picked up the injuries, both were in athletic pursuits after all.

Apart from an episode of concussion brought on by a run-in with the school bully back in the day my head has always been in pretty good shape though - even if throat infections and possible tropical illnesses were ruining my 'reputation' for strength & fortitude I was assured of a head that worked pretty well and didn't give me grief, until a few years ago that is. I was sitting in the offices at YFC one lunchtime, being a little bit anti-social and reading a newspaper, when I suddenly noticed I couldn't read very well anymore. I was a bit confused by this experience, I'm pretty good with words and things normally! After trying to sneak up on the newspaper for a couple of minutes I realised that I had developed a bit of a blind spot right in the centre of my vision. I think I mentioned it at the time but neither I nor anyone else really had any response to it, probably assuming it would sort itself out shortly. Fortunately it did sort itself out, but a short while later my face decided to get in on the act by going numb and tingly. Not to be outdone, my left arm joined the fun by refusing to talk to the rest of my body for a while too. At that point I thought I maybe wasn't very well so I went home and lay on the sofa until Naomi got home!

That was my first migraine, and as you might imagine it was disconcerting to have all these odd things going on with my head, but I tend to assume the best so I wasn't particularly worried about it being anything more serious. Since then I've had migraines with varying frequency and intensity, from pretty mild ones that have happened mostly while I slept, to a little cluster of three in 7 days back in August. A couple of weeks ago I had my most recent one, and I have to say it was flipping awful. It started at 7:30 am as I was having a skype meeting with someone, with the usual (for me) first symptoms of visual disturbances and weird hands (I don't think that's a medical term), and developed into twelve hours of intense pain where at points I could hardly see, walk or talk. At some point that day I realised I wasn't going to be able to do anything useful the next day, and just for fun here are the two messages I sent from my Blackberry to cancel stuff for the next day:

Hi becca,

Beace cancel than ecel ther everycent thent comorrow I have thanhs tomorrow. I'm not well

Mark

Hi Chris,

I'm everything ill, I can't today tomowwor, sorry. Thanks.

Mark

I think I spent about fifteen minutes trying to write those!

So, that was indeed what counts as 'a bad day'. In fact I counted it as a bad week, because that happened on a Tuesday, and I only managed to do about five hours work the rest of that week. I'd had so many things I wanted to get done that week as well, so I ended up being immensely frustrated by the whole thing.

At times like that I sometimes think, "Why am I the Director of NYFC? Surely it would be better to have someone who wasn't randomly knocked out of action for four days at a time by these uncontrollable events?" Honestly, there's not any room for pratting about for charities at the moment. I have a clear idea of what I want NYFC to do, the job we have to do is enormous, (as a generalisation) people are not giving like they used too, and so we can ill-afford to have people (even me) going off-sick at inconvenient moments. Or at least that's what would be logical...

Here's the thing though, it seems to me that God is often not logical.

“Pardon me, my lord,” Gideon replied, “but how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.”

Gideon, one of my favourite characters of the Old Testament, appears in Judges 6. We see a chap who has a clear idea of what's wrong in the world, and how things should really be, but for any number of reasons is not really a great person to do something about it all. In fact, when we first meet him he is pretty much hiding in a cupboard. He's not a natural born leader, he's scared, he's weak, he's more of a cooker than a fighter, and he's not particularly full of faith in himself or God.

And yet, as we read on in the story we discover that God is quite happy to take this weak character and appoint him as leader over Israel. Despite all the contrary indications, God seems relaxed about putting this guy in charge. It doesn't make a lot of sense from a logic point of view.

I have a clear idea of how things should be in terms of NYFC's work, but I have to say there's all sorts of reasons why someone else might make a better director. Sure, I get these migraines that knock me out for days at a time, but actually it's worse than that! I don't pray enough, I'm not spiritual enough, I can't come up with a plan to solve our financial issues, I'm quite often flummoxed by the challenges of leading people, I lack formal training and have a natural desire not to make plans!

Gideon and the migraines teach me something though - it seems God is relaxed about me not being perfect. In fact he seems remarkably chilled about all my infirmities and inadequacies. It's almost as if it doesn't actually depend on me or something! I'm convinced that although there might be lots of better qualified and more skilful and experienced people out there, actually God has asked me to do this for now, and he asked me knowing that I don't pray enough, and I get migraines, and I'm a bit of a slacker. If he's alright with that, then I'm much more than alright with it, I'm ecstatic about it! God calls ordinary people, not asking them to be superstars, but just asking them to be obedient, just to do what he asks and let him handle the results. I think I can do that.

After that Sunset

2010-09-04T09:25:00.003+01:00

After that Sunset
Originally uploaded by Mark Tuma.

DSC07435

2010-09-04T09:25:00.001+01:00

DSC07435
Originally uploaded by Mark Tuma.

DSC07498

2010-09-04T09:24:00.003+01:00

DSC07498
Originally uploaded by Mark Tuma.

Cromer Sunset

2010-09-04T09:24:00.001+01:00

Cromer Sunset
Originally uploaded by Mark Tuma.

Max Von Vuuren

2010-08-07T07:54:00.001+01:00

Max Von Vuuren
Originally uploaded by Mark Tuma.

Daniel

2010-08-07T07:44:00.001+01:00

Daniel
Originally uploaded by Mark Tuma.

Cambridgeshire Wheatfield

2010-08-07T07:43:00.001+01:00

Cambridgeshire Wheatfield
Originally uploaded by Mark Tuma.

The Pinnacle

2010-07-28T20:59:00.000+01:00

As I'm thinking more about photography again these days I've been considering what sort of pictures I want to take. Obviously I want to take 'good' pictures, i.e.well exposed and composed and things (and that's not a given yet, I think I still have tonnes to learn). More importantly I think I want to take pictures that can show something of God's greatness, which might naturally lead you to think about landscapes - glaciers and mountains are always impressive after all! The trouble with that is that it feels to me like most of those photos have already been taken, and those things are not the things that best express God's impressiveness anyway.

So, what does? People do. I believe that you and I are the bit of this whole universe that God put most effort into - and even if you don't agree with me or don't believe wouldn't it be good if we acted like we believed that? It's pictures I've taken of people that I find most interesting. Photos of animals, or racing cars, or sunsets are all good, but people fit in a whole different category.

I'm always a little sad about people who don't like having their photo taken. I wonder if something in the way we're all brought up convinces us that we've failed to be the pinnacle of creation that we should be. Some people act like they are so hideous that a photo of them would destroy any lens that captured it, but the truth is they all have beauty. I sometimes wonder how many of us have the ability and outlook to happily look in a mirror and celebrate what we see? Or do most of us write that reflection off as not worth viewing?

So, I think I want to learn to take better pictures of people, and I want people to have less of a hang up about having their photo taken too!

More of Naomi

2010-07-17T19:57:00.000+01:00

Just trying to improve the lighting a little over the previous attempt. I like the story of these three...

Naomi

2010-07-14T09:03:00.001+01:00

Naomi
Originally uploaded by Mark Tuma.

I've been on a mini-quest to improve my photography again recently, and here are some of the results...

It's hard work getting Naomi to let me take pictures of her, particularly if she notices! This one is not perfect lighting wise, and doesn't quite achieve what I was trying to, but I think it's a good picture of my beautiful wife anyway.

Pie Slice

2010-07-14T09:02:00.001+01:00

Pie Slice
Originally uploaded by Mark Tuma.

I've been on a mini-quest to improve my photography again recently, and here are some of the results...

This one was satisfying, although there's still room for improvement. For one thing a more contemporary style of utensil would have been more apt, but you work with what you've got...

Pestle & Mortar

2010-07-14T08:59:00.001+01:00

Pestle & Mortar
Originally uploaded by Mark Tuma.

I've been on a mini-quest to improve my photography again recently, and here are some of the results...

This one looks ready for some words on the right hand side maybe.

Crystal Glass

2010-07-14T08:58:00.001+01:00

Crystal Glass
Originally uploaded by Mark Tuma.

I've been on a mini-quest to improve my photography again recently, and here are some of the results...

Bigots, Demons & Delusion

2010-05-03T15:28:00.000+01:00

Carl retweeted this from Stephen Fry :

Hearing a lot about this deluded woman's influence over Cameron. Ran prayer sessions to 'cure' gay peoplehttp://bit.ly/cghS0I Shiver.

and later this from someone else:

thewhoami Gordon Brown calls ONE voter a bigot. Press goes MENTAL. #PhilippaStroud calls THOUSANDS of voters demons. Silence. Why? http://is.gd/bRqpJ

Now, one could note that that Guardian article only speaks to people critical of Pippa Stroud, or that the churches the Strouds are linked to are not in fact allied to 'the US evangelical movement' any more than the Anglican church down the road is (New Frontiers being a British thing originally), or that from what I hear the church in Bedford is genuinely doing good stuff to help people in need, or that there are factual innaccuracies in what whoami tweeted. I'm not annoyed about that though.

I'm annoyed about the double-standards in the reaction. It's apparently ok to call someone delusional when their view is different from yours, but not ok for them to have a different view anyway. (any) Faith is by definition trusting in something which cannot be proved, so all faith is equally open to the accusation of being delusional (if people want to use that language), but then so is assuming that there is no God - it cannot be proved, it's a statement of belief, but it seems to be ok to make that one.

whoami should have tweeted :

#PhilippaStroud says thousands may be influenced by demons. @stephenfry implies millions of voters are delusional. Who's insulting more people?

BTW, I'm most likely voting lib dem, having switched from labour. I'm always surprised when Christians are conservatives, but hey that's democracy for you.

An Open Letter from Norwich Youth For Christ

2010-04-18T18:37:00.002+01:00

Dear Friend,

One of my favourite passages in the Bible is found in Judges 6 and 7 where God meets with an unspectacular man called Gideon and transforms him into a mighty warrior. I love this story because it seems to me that God wants us to understand that his view of life is the definitive one - Gideon can come up with all sorts of reasons why he is unsuitable for the title of 'mighty warrior', but in the end God is the one proved right. In Chapter 7 we read how God leads Gideon to defeat the fearsome Midianites, not with thirty thousand men, not with ten thousand, but with just three hundred, and three hundred odd ones at that - when was the last time you 'lapped water like a dog'? I would imagine a secular onlooker would have given very long odds on a victory for Gideon and his odd band of heroes!

Sometimes our task of sharing the Gospel with young people in and around Norwich feels like a similarly impossible battle for many reasons, but every young person we work with is another hero in the making. Recently I've been blessed by messages from people who were involved with NYFC thirty years ago, and have gone on to love and serve Jesus in different ways around the country and the world. It excites me to realise that every single young person we meet could be doing even more in another thirty years' time. As you read this the team at NYFC are working with young people across Norwich and beyond, sharing Jesus love with them, and being part of God's transforming work in each young life. We don't know where this generation will be in thirty years, but we are convinced that if they follow Christ they will do amazing things for his Kingdom, and we are equally convinced that God still has a plan for NYFC to be involved in revealing himself to young people.

This may come as no surprise given the state of our Nation's economy, but we are facing a very real financial challenge this year. In fact, for the last year we have been having to very carefully manage our costs, and take measures like staggering salary payments for the team to stay in the black. Even in the midst of this I firmly believe that God has been demonstrating His goodness and faithfulness by breathing life into our finances at times when we would otherwise have been dead and buried!

However, whilst in 2009 we were blessed to see the overall picture remain manageable, in 2010 we have seen our financial gap growing - whilst we have stayed in the black and met all our bills, we have not kept up to date with the team's salary. As I write this we have a gap of around £5,000, but if the trend continues this will grow to a much larger sum. So, we have taken the unprecedented step of writing this open letter to all who might be interested in supporting Norwich Youth For Christ and our work of evangelism with young people.

As you would expect we are taking steps to reduce our costs as much as possible but the fact is we are already a pretty efficient organisation. Our only option for large scale cost reductions is reducing our salary bill (and in fact some have already taken voluntary pay cuts), but reducing the size of the team would also mean reducing our capacity to meet and share with young people who deserve to hear the Gospel.

I mentioned the three hundred God gave Gideon to secure victory over the Midianites. Any human strategist would have wanted a much bigger band of heroes, but God is able to work amazing things with much smaller numbers! Our relatively small band of financial supporters are some of the unsung heroes of our work, they have built foundations for every conversation we have ever had with a young person. As I have prayed and considered our current position I have felt that it is time to add to their number. Put simply, we want to raise an additional £25,000 each year from gaining regular givers. That may sound like an optimistic target but just fifty new heroes giving £40 a month would (with Gift Aid) reach that target. £40 a month is less than £1.50 each day, so I am asking if you could be one of these fifty heroes?

You may read this and feel that this is a completely unrealistic amount for your circumstances, so I want you to know that we are truly grateful for every penny given in support, and if you would like to help with a different amount I do not want you to feel your support is not valued! Every pound helps towards the costs of every letter, lunch-time club, discipleship group, Spring Camp and everything else!

If you are able to help us in any way, please just fill in the form enclosed, or call me on the office number or on my mobile (07747 471218) to discuss how you can give.

On behalf of the staff and trustees of Norwich Youth For Christ, and in Christ's love,

Mark Tuma

Director, Norwich Youth For Christ

Neil Cole, Organic Church, A Summary Pt 3

2010-04-01T14:38:00.000+01:00

Part Three - From the Microscope to the Telescope

This follows from part 1 and part 2.

Chapter 8 - Mapping the DNA of Christ's Body

In the early years the Gospel looks like an unstoppable chain reaction, what's different now?
Wolf suggests Paul the Apostle had this strategy, the New Testament Discipleship Pattern (NTDP):
1. There are three criteria seen in the pattern and which we must build into our patterns. The pattern must be: 1) Received personally; 2) Repeated Easily; 3) Reproduced Strategically
2. It was incarnational (Phil 3:17)
3. It was viral (easy to pass on) (1 Tim 2:2)
4. It was transformational (Rom 6:17)
5. It was universal 1 Cor 4:16-17
The DNA of the church (from NTDP):
1. Divine Truth
2. Nurturing Relationships
3. Apostolic Mission
Jesus embodies, teaches and commands the DNA
The DNA of the church applied:
1. Divine Truth - Faith changes behaviours
2. Nurturing Relationships - Love lets God reign in our relationships
3. Apostolic Mission - Hope enables us to persevere in a mission against opposition
DNA is in every part of a body, and defines the whole body, same is true of the Gospel DNA
Don't mess with the DNA unless you want mutants: don't unravel it; don't remove bits; don't add bits

Chapter 9 - Epidemic Expansion Starts in the Genes

DNA drives function from low level, no higher authority is required in a DNA controlled body
"To the degree that you hold purpose and principles in common among you, you can dispense with command and control. People will know how to behave in accordance with them, and they'll do it thousands of unimaginable, creative ways." Dee Hock, founder of VISA
Structure should be supportive and not constraining, and able to grow with the body it supports. Only ever has as much structure as you need.
Organic connections rather than hierarchical organizations.
Avoid mutation by always referring to the original, rather than copying a copy - i.e.refer to Jesus more than to someone else, build dependence on Christ.
Distributed, rather than delegated authority

Reflections: Most of the time we structure for growth, rather than letting growth happen and structure around it. I've heard people talk countless times (and I've gone along with it) about not doing a mission without making sure we have the structure in place to 'cope with' new Christians afterwards. Actually, I don't think I've ever been part of a mission that's given itself that problem to be honest! Cole advocates doing it the other way round, gain a problem first and then see if needs a solution.

Again Cole brings up the question of who we teach new Christians to rely on, is it Jesus, or the church leader? Our fear of heresy leads us to a love of structure which protects us from 'wrong' answers, but doesn't that just betray insecurity, and a lack of faith in Jesus and the action of his Holy Spirit? I'm reminded of the stories of underground Christians in China who didn't even own a whole Bible, and yet lived out the Gospel much better than anyone I've met. Why do we not get new Christians to do the 'ministry'?

Neil Cole, Organic Church, A Summary Pt 2

2010-04-01T12:03:00.000+01:00

Part Two - The Organic Nature of The Kingdom of God
This follows from part 1.

Chapter 5 - Kingdom 101: You Reap what You Sow, and You Eat What You Reap

What seed are we sowing? Just like Jesus needs to be central to our church, his word needs to be the seed we sow into others as well.
Don't sow dependence on people, systems or programmes
God's word (the Bible) is the seed we're supposed to be sowing (Mk 4:14)
What soil are we sowing into?
Good soil is 1 in 4 in Jesus' parable, and bears much fruit
Bad soil is a waste of time 'I am convinced that we have made a serious mistake by accommodating bad soil in our churches.'
'Bad people make good soil - there's a lot of fertilizer in their lives'

Reflections: This relates to shaking the dust off like I talked about in an earlier post, I think I'd extend it a little though - what is bad soil for me to sow into might be better soil for someone else. For instance as Fridays tailed off and eventually ended we lost touch with most of the group of young people who used to come. That's a shame, and pains me to a degree, but actually I don't think I'm supposed to have us worrying about those particular young people who've left our orbit (and largely are growing in other places so it's all good), I think we're supposed to be finding some new good soil to sow into.

Chapter 6 - An Enchanted Kingdom With Magic Seeds, Fast-Growing Trees, and a Beautiful Bride to the Rescue

Mark 4:26-29 Our work is to cast the seed, the crop grows all by itself ->
Anyone can cast seed ->
We should expend effort in the casting phase, not the growing phase.
Again, don't build dependency on leaders, build dependency on God.

Reflections: Totally agree, but I perceive much resistance in all sorts of ways to actually doing it. We all act like we'd rather trust a well worked out programme than turn a new Christian loose to figure it out with the help of the Spirit and the Word! We also need to fight against our desire to feel needed and gain our identity and self-worth from our positions of perceived authority.

Chapter 7 - We All Began as Zygotes

Without reproduction we're only ever one generation from extinction.
Reproduction is a natural feature of a healthy organism
Smaller churches are healthier than megachurches - '"The evangelistic effectiveness of mini-churches is statistically 1,600% greater than that of megachurches!"'
Entertainment, performance and facilities are not the keys to church growth.
It's a good job, because what we draw them with is what we draw them to.
Life begins at the cellular level, and grows from there, why should the Kingdom be any different (after all it has the same Creator). cf the mustard seed
'Two or three' - the basic unit of church life
1. Community is stronger - Eccles 4:9-12
2. Accountability is stronger - 1 Tim 5:19
3. Confidentiality is stronger - Matt 18:15-17
4. Flexibility is stronger - Matt 18:20
5. Communication is stronger - 1 Cor 14:26-33
6. Direction is stronger - 2 Cor 13:1
7. Leadership is stronger - 1 Cor 14:29
Our bodies are alive because of constant cell multiplication - without it there would be death

The Band

2010-03-30T13:17:00.001+01:00

Image00001
Originally uploaded by Mark Tuma.

It's a shame Dave wasn't there, but the picture came out well enough...

Coastal Desolation #3

2010-03-19T09:15:00.001Z

Coastal Desolation #3
Originally uploaded by Mark Tuma.

Great Yarmouth's a lovely place, really.

Neil Cole, Organic Church, A Summary Pt 1

2010-03-04T12:50:00.000Z

This may be of no interest at all to anyone else, but I recommend the book as a very useful read, and I'm summarising it here mostly for my learning.

Part 1 - Roots of Organic Church
Chapter 1 - Ride Out With Me

Church has adopted a defensive posture - 'The church has fallen back on its heels in a defensive posture, seeking refuge in its fortresses of buildings, programs, and "Christian" businesses, schools and ministries.'
Key question for church - Who is Jesus to you? Our picture of Jesus will govern the expression people see - 'If [your picture of] Jesus is docile, passive and indifferent, your church will be as well.'
Jesus on Church: He builds it, not us - 'Upon this rock I will build my church'; It's his church, not ours - '...build my church'; It's meant to be growing - 'When something is being built, it grows bigger not smaller' & 'Most living things grow to a point and then reproduce'; It will face opposition - '...to quote a WWII bomber pilot, "If you're taking flak, you're over the target"'; The Jesus-Built Church is unstoppable - '...the gates of hell will not prevail against it'.

Chapter 2 - Awakening to a New Kind of Church

Cole's journey to discovering his Organic Church principles started in a painful season of trials/suffering that ended with a commission to 'start something new in Long Beach, California... We were sent to start new churches, which we called Awakening Chapels, among urban post-moderns'.
They wanted to start a movement, not a single church. Reproduction was a key aim, 'we were willing to abandon anything that would not multiply healthy disciples, leaders, churches and movements'.
These churches are not large, and meet almost anywhere - 'a woman had a heart for reaching out to women abused by men, so she started a church in a strip club!'
They have very loose control structures and strategies - 'We do not mandate that...'
Organic growth of new churches meant churches sprang up all over the place - 'We believe that church should happen where life happens. You shouldn't have to leave life to go to church.'
Cole and Co. didn't have a detailed plan - 'We didn't have an ingenious plan. Rather we learned from our mistakes as well as our accidental successes.'
They were willing to be re-directed - 'Our first plan was an original, one of a kind idea to start a coffeehouse. Do you sense a little sarcasm there?... Then the Lord stepped in and whispered in my ear: "Why start coffehouses... Why not just go to the coffeehouses where they already are?"'
The transformations came from crisis opening up compassion leading to prayer for and then with people.
'We want to lower the bar of how church is done, but raise the bar of what it means to be a disciple' - Most things I see are going the other way...
Life Transformation Groups are the smallest unit - 'This is a group of two or three people who meet weekly to challenge one another to live an authentic spiritual life' - LTG activities: accountability; scripture reading; prayer for others.
Loose control structures enable spontaneous growth.

Reflections on this chapter:

I notice the clear focus - they set out for health and multiplication and got it. They set out to lower the bar for doing church and got it. They set out to raise the bar for discipleship and got it.

I am encouraged by the experience of having a clear aim, but a hazy and changing plan on the details of how it happens, this is how I've felt about NYFC over the last few years.

The loose control structures are appealing to me.

Chapter 3 - The Zombie Bride Lives On

The church has lost her identity and become a pale vision of what she should be - 'sick, kept alive by a supernatural force, but believing she was quite healthy and ready to meet Jesus.'
The church is a living organism, not a static institution - NT metaphors for church are generally around living things.
The church is more than a building - consider the sweep of God's view on buildings, from mobile home (ark & tabernacle), to temple (which limited our perception of where God might be found, and in which the curtain was torn in two when Jesus died), to no 'church' buildings mentioned at all in NT. 'Buildings are not wrong or immoral. It is not the buildings that are really the problem. Unfortunately, we often begin to function as though the church buildings are our life source.'
The church is not to be bound to a single location - cf the Samaritan woman 'We are always asking the wrong question: Where? All along the right question is- Who?'
The church is more than a weekly service - NT doesn't give instruction for weekly meetings, it gives instruction for how we are to live together as a spiritual family.
The Kingdom of God is meant to be de-centralized, but we tend to centralize - cf matt 28:19-20, 'Jesus' plan [to decentralize] was ingenious. Do not disregard it and opt for another plan.'
We are each God's temple and together we are also his temple - God lives in us, we have become his dwelling place, and together we can (& should) make a more beautiful temple than any building.

I don't think it's possible to argue with Cole much on these, yet I don't really see these powerfully at work in any church I can think of.

Chapter 4 - A Dangerous Question

What is a Church Anyway?
Seminary answer: Church is 1) a group of believers gathered together regularly... 2) that considers itself a church... 3) that has qualified elders present... 4) that practices the sacraments and church discipline... 5)and has an agreed on set of doctrinal beliefs.
Seminary answer doesn't mention Jesus - our defn's are often more centred on our contribution than God's.
Tozer - 'if the Holy Spirit were removed from churches on Saturday, most would go on as if nothing had changed'
Organic Church answer - 'the presence of Jesus among his people called out as a spiritual family to pursue his mission on this planet'
Build team around best player, i.e. Jesus

The seminary definition is so narrow, and non-scriptural as far as I can tell - i.e. it's not based on biblical directives, but it's a description of how people decided to build a structure for themselves and call it church.

Mark 6:7-13

2010-02-04T11:30:00.000Z

Jesus called the twelve and began to send them out two by two, and gave them authority over the unclean spirits. He ordered them to take nothing for their journey except a staff; no bread, no bag, no money in their belts; but to wear sandals and not to put on two tunics. He said to them, "Wherever you enter a house, stay there until you leave the place. If any place will not welcome you and they refuse to hear you, as you leave, shake off the dust that is on your feet as a testimony against them." So they went out and proclaimed that all should repent. They cast out many demons, and anointed with oil many who were sick and cured them.

I wonder how Jesus sent the twelve out? How much persuasion did he have to do to get them to leave the comfort of being with Him that they had come to call Lord? I wonder if they were keen, or a bit more like I would be - eager but reluctant at the same time? I'd be eager because of the potential and the implied promise of seeing good stuff happen, but reluctant because it's hard to believe this thing will work until you've done it.

In my head it happened like this...

Jesus knows the twelve disciples, he knows what each of them is like. I reckon he called them all together and called James and John out first. I think he probably talked up the challenge and the excitement, and the cool stuff that they'd get to see, and then gave the 'Sons of Thunder' the first go, knowing they would relish the chance to look like they were leading the other disciples!

After that it would have been easier to get the others to follow - after all, if James and John can do it Peter's not going to refuse is he? So, even before we get to the more obvious themes (of which more below), there's a lesson here about how community helps us to overcome our fear - because we don't want to let the side down our pride actually becomes useful for once!

The obvious themes are about dependence and freedom. Jesus removes everything they would normally rely on if they were planning this thing themselves. They can't pack for the journey, they can't take cash or credit cards to buy food at the next town, there's no mobile to call back for support. Their usual dependence is gone, so Jesus challenges them to depend on a couple of new things. First, they have to depend on God - if this is not a commission from God himself, it's doomed to failure, but if it is God who's sending them they have to take him at his word and believe he will make a way for things to work out.

Second they have to depend on the people they're going to, even though they are going with a provocative and not always popular message. I'm pretty sure the Middle Eastern traditions of hospitality would have given them a bit of confidence here, but Jesus makes it clear they won't be universally welcomed. As an aside I think those traditions can be seen as evidence of something of God's ways already being present even before the disciples turn up - I mean, it seems like the cultural norm of properly looking after strangers as they passed through reflects something of how God is. Rather than our possessions and wealth being something we guard jealously they should be something we use gladly for others.

The other obvious theme in here is about unhindered freedom to serve. The disciples are told to shake the dust off their feet when they are not welcomed, and I suspect there are a couple of reasons for this. There's a message to the disciples and to those who reject them.

The disciples are supposed to understand that when they leave that place they leave everything about it behind them. They are not to take the rejection forward with them, or the disappointment, or even lingering regrets about not seeing lives transformed in those places. They are to shake it all off and push onwards. I guess this might have caused some questioning in the disciples minds: shouldn't they stay and try to get through to these people? Again thought the issue is about dependence - who's wisdom and plan is worth depending on?

I've been watching Generation Kill over the last couple of weeks, and one recurrent theme is that the Recon Marines it follows are constantly being given new taskings, even when they can see what looks like a much better plan based on what they know on the ground. The fact though, is that their leaders have a plan which they know only in part, and the new orders reflect that bigger (and in an ideal world better) plan. For this small Marine team to disregard their orders would jeopardise the bigger plan, and so they move on, even if reluctantly! The disciples have the advantage of knowing their leader actually has a good plan, and one which is built on knowing every fact (being the omniscient God and all), so it is worth depending on His plan.

The message for the people who reject them is clear and uncompromising. Watching the disciples shake the dust off their feet they should have understood, "You don't always get another chance, we have more work to do, and if you reject us, you have rejected us. Your choice is made, and we won't ask again. If you want to change your mind, you have to put the effort in to find us now, we ain't coming back." I wonder how comfortable we are with God communicating that? I'm convinced God loves each and every person then and now with a love which is beyond our capacity to grasp. I'm also convinced that He is able to take rejection and move on.

So, some questions to ponder for you and I if you're interested:
1) Got fears holding you back? How is community helping you? Or maybe how are you helping others in community?
2) Got dependence? What on?
3) How does that last paragraph make you feel?

Can I Get A Reset?

2010-01-15T13:34:00.000Z

Tech-savvy peeps: this starts with a metaphor, it's not perfect ;)

Three times this morning the PC I'm using has freaked out over a network problem. In moments like this I take solace in the fact that the reset button is never far away. It may not be the recommended way of re-starting a computer, but sometimes it's just what's needed. You push that little button and everything that was troublesome or difficult or painful to endure is wiped away instantly. One touch and the computer remembers them no more. It's little silicon heart awakes as if on a bright Spring morning, ready to crunch numbers with a sense of joy and expectation coursing through its transistors.

January 2010 and in a lot of ways I wish my life had a button like that. I wish that I'd welcomed in the New Year with a sense of energy, expectation and joy. I wish I'd felt released from some of the things that happened last year, like: Naomi spending the Summer in hospital; or my Step-Mum dieing in October; or the global recession helping donations to NYFC to tank so that paying salaries each month is impossible except for miracles; or being disappointed by people I thought were partners in this Gospel thing; or one of the NYFC team being mugged; or my own consistent failure to live up to all I want to be; or one of any number of other pains to endure.

It's not as if God has been absent in all this, in fact the only reason I can mention any of it from here is that God has been definitely present throughout all this stuff. how do I know you may ask? Well, look at the financial side of the last year - the scale of the challenge at NYFC is beyond my ability and I can't pretend otherwise. Each month we've approached payday needing x thousand pounds that we haven't got, and I have had almost no clue on how to 'fix' this. A few times it's become a real point of stress and pressure on me, but each time through circumstance or people around me I've felt God telling me to stop making it about me and let it be about him. Every time I've got to that point and given it up to Jesus again there's been a surprising cheque appear in the post the next day or so. I don't believe in repeated coincidences!

Or, consider this: Naomi's illness and my step-mum's death meant that the times we had planned to have time-off together as a family (Naomi, Grace, Daniel & I) just could not happen, and instead life had a draining intensity we had not prepared for or expected. By the end of October we were feeling pretty threadbare. Where was God? Well, he was speaking to a wonderful and godly woman who knows us and asking her to help us. She paid for us to have a trip to Spain in November, and though we've said thanks to her and to God since then I don't think I can put into words how great a blessing that was.

And yet, here I am in January 2010, still wanting a reset. What I realise though is this: I'm not a PC, despite Microsoft's latest ad campaign!

Back in September I was in Cromer with the NYFC team, and I felt God was speaking through the marker buoys by the pier there. The waves were probably one or one and a half metres that day, and these marker buoys were getting pounded every couple of seconds, water pushing against them in every direction, wanting to rip them from their place and throw them up on the beach. If the water had its way the buoys would have become worse than useless - a marker in the wrong place is not just not fulfilling it's purpose, it can be actively dangerous. The buoys have a secret weapon though, and it's completely invisible to anyone who looks at them. The buoys remain and fulfil their purpose because they are firmly anchored. They may sway and move with the force a little but ultimately they ain't going anywhere.

It seemed to me that god was saying to us that storms would come in our lives and in NYFC, and that the key to surviving was to stay firmly anchored in his love. Sure enough that very week the storms began as one of the team was mugged, and they haven't really stopped since...

So, whilst I want a reset button, the truth is there's no such thing, and there's not meant to be either. I believe that in another twelve or eighteen months God may lead us to less violent waters, but in the meantime the way to endure is to know His love and anchor myself in it. That means choosing to spend time building up my identity as a follower of Christ by doing things like this blog, by chewing on the words of the Bible, by letting music and songs about Him wash over my heart as I walk to work, and I think also by thinking more about how I communicate the love to others who don't believe.

If anyone's still reading, let me know what you think. Maybe you can answer these questions:

1) How good a marker am I? How much do you or others see Jesus through how I am? That's a scary question to be putting up for public comment!

2) What exactly do you think of God's love?

Mayada Tuma, RIP

2009-10-22T14:54:00.002+01:00

Mayada and Zainab
Originally uploaded by Mark Tuma.
There's no easy way to share news like this, my step-mum Mayada died last night. After having a major heart operation on Saturday it seems the recovery was just too much for her in the end.

I know the family has appreciated all the thoughts and prayers over the last few weeks, so thank you on their behalf. Please continue to pray for my Dad, and for their children, Jade, Zainab and Mohammad, as they come to terms without Mayada.

If you have a moment to pray...

2009-10-10T10:28:00.000+01:00

Can I ask you to pray for my step-mum (#2), Mayada? She has to have another heart operation this week, and this one is an unexpected nasty surprise. This will be her third heart op: her first six or seven years ago was an emergency from which she was very very lucky to survive; her second was a planned op this Summer to fix a weakness in her heart (which I think caused the first episode) by inserting a plastic sleeve into one of the chambers; this one coming up is needed because the plastic has begun to come away from it's anchoring points, a bad thing.

Each of these ops has been tough on her, and has knocked her confidence and vitality. Now with the news of another op, she is in true despair - she seems to have lost all hope, and can only think of negative outcomes. She is physically weak because she's not been feeling right since Summer's op, and hasn't been eating properly, so her body will have a harder time recovering from this third go at somewhere most of us never have to have operated on.

Please pray for peace in her soul, so that she can be positive going in to the op (which will be this Thursday). Pray for a fighting spirit to come forth, so she pushes through recovery rather than giving up. Pray for my Dad, who is holding things together for now. Pray for their children too.

Cheers,
Mark

Plumbers in Space

2009-07-20T07:57:00.000+01:00

I've been meaning to blog about something serious for ages, but this isn't it. From NASA...

Aboard the International Space Station, astronauts Mike Barratt and Frank De Winne will be replacing parts of the U.S. Destiny laboratory’s Waste and Hygiene Compartment, or WHC. The parts likely were contaminated earlier today when the system’s dose pump failed after running for about 15 minutes. The pump introduces the correct amount of chemicals into the system to help separate liquids from solid waste. About six liters of pre-treated water may have flowed into the pump separator and other areas it does not belong, flooding the separator.

Just imagine, all those years training and preparing to be an astronaut, boldly going where no person (or not many at least) has gone before. You finally get into space and end up fixing the bog...

Blind Spots

2009-06-16T10:04:00.000+01:00

I accidently listened to this morning's Reith Lecture on Radio 4, and found it to be a wise and well-considered lecture, as you would hope for. Professor Sandel delivered a lecture worthy of the air time, and while I'm sure I'd have differing views from him on some issues, I appreciated his thoughts and openness.

What I appreciated much less was the blinkered and dismissive attitudes portrayed by some of the people asking questions at the end. I don't know if the questions will make it onto the podcast or not, but eminent people with a secularist mindset seemed aggressive in their desire to remove faith traditions from moral questions. Two questions stuck in my throat, one which claimed that the non-religious side (of whatever debate) were evidenced based rather than simply dogmatic fundamentalists (which is hard to reconcile with the prejudice faith based organisations regularly encounter in public life), and the other which said there should be no place for faith traditions in decisions of morality, but instead the zeitgeist should decide (I'm paraphrasing there). The irony is that the second questioner used the words, "I believe..." Rather than being evidence based the secularist questioner framed his question on his belief, his notion of how the world should be! Blind spot anyone?

I'm absolutely certain that I have blind spots too, but I hope I'm a little more gracious and evidence-based in my conversations...

Samsung DVD HDD Recorder

2009-04-22T14:31:00.001+01:00

On the off chance anyone has an SH871 that they want to make multi-region, I found these instructions that work. I post them here just in case the original site disappears and I need to redo this to our player!

Just thought I would share what i found to crack the Region for the Samsung DVD-SH875 as i could not find any hacks already online when i bought mine, I really just used a combination of a few hacks for Samsung Dvd Players..

* turn on dvd player
* make sure there's no dvd in closed tray
* press 'menu' button
* from withing the Main Menu press
29334 if you have a R1 player
57538 if you have a R2 player
56732 if you have a R3 player
76884 if you have a R4 player
53814 if you have a R5 player
24462 if you have a R6 player
* current region code is visible close to the right corner
* press 9 for code free
* Press the "Open/close" button on the remote. The tray will open. Leave it open for a about 5 seconds.
* Just press the "On/off" button on the remote.
* Your player should be multi-region when you turn back on

Good Fridays - Some Notes on The Event

2009-04-13T07:44:00.001+01:00

This series of posts relates to our Good Fridays event, and this was one of those occasions where I'd started with a visual idea for telling the story in the space we have. On the night we had a central tower from which we projected onto four screens arranged on the four sides of the space, so viewed from above you'd see a sort of cross shape of light if all four were on.

The Fridays Planning Team gave definition to the visual idea, coming up with the plan of telling the four stories you'll find in the other posts. The plan was to tell the Easter story from four perspectives, and to create a visual story alongside the monologues which were read out. Five young people 'volunteered' to be the cast for the stories. It was a pretty major effort to bring it all together, and to physically create the space in the venue as well - Friday ended up being a fourteen hour working day for me! At some points in the afternoon I started regretting the amount of work we'd created for ourselves, but in the end I was really pleased with what we did, because it became that early visual idea brought into reality, and because I genuinely felt like this was in God's honour - it felt like a good response of service in worship from me to what he's done for me.

Some practical details for you:

Heather Feltham wrote Judas's story and John Q Public's story, I wrote Mary's and the Soldier's.
The pictures were mostly taken on my Sony A700 with no additional equipment. I processed them from RAW in Capture One (giving me much more latitude for e.g. changing exposure to suit the intent of the image). Mostly I used Xara Extreme 3.2 to manipulate them into the finished images, combining them some images of old photography plates I found on the web (but can't remember the link for now). I used GIMP for a couple, but Xara is much, much quicker for this sort of thing.
The candle in the video was created from stills taken on the A700 at five frames per second. I really like how that came out.

All in all I'm really pleased with how it all turned out. This is not the way we normally communicate Easter, and for me creating the images felt like some enormous art project, and I'm no artist! It would have been much less work to just do a sermon, but like I say, for me this was my response to Easter as well as putting on an event. I'm not equally happy with all the images, some are better than others. The time pressure and the sheer amount of images meant I ran out ideas a couple of times. If you've got any comments I'd really love to hear them, whether you were there on the night or have just perused it all on here. I'll put the images on flickr too, so if you'd like to view them in a slideshow format head over there later on.

Good Fridays - Soldier's Story

2009-04-13T07:27:00.000+01:00

I've been in this stinking pit for too long. You join up, and they say, "It'll be great, you get to see the world, a different girl in every port!" and all the other things that make joining the all conquering army of the Roman Empire seem like a good idea. They don't tell you that most of your time you'll be an Army of glorified policemen dealing with the petty squabbles of worthless, beaten and complaining Jews.

So, here I was, just like on every other day of the last three years, in the butt-end of the empire, far from home and far from excitement. All these Jews look the same to me, so when we were told to beat one called Jesus I couldn't really have cared much less - anything to break the boredom. Give me a choice between delivering punishment and another afternoon of guard duty and I'll kick someone every time! To be honest I'd quite happily beat every one of these Jews some days.

You get a feel for a person when you beat them. You gain an insight into their character that I don't think you can get any other way. It helps that people fear us, I mean they know people sometimes die when we 'punish' them. To be honest we have to try quite hard not to kill people - we are Roman soldiers after all, and there's none fitter, meaner or harder than us. With this guy, Jesus, there was a buzz about the place even before we started on him. There were so many people crowding in - my mate got to crack a few heads pushing them back, it made his day! Anyway, like I said you get a feel for a person when you make them suffer, and this Jesus was a strong one. We worked him over properly, probably as much as we could without killing him. We started with the rods, moved on to the scourge, we spat on him, we hit him, we kicked him, we took every opportunity to cause him pain. Normally people start off stubborn and defiant, as if they can endure
the Roman army without breaking a sweat. That doesn't last long before they pain moves them to stage two, anger. It looks pathetic to us, but they start shouting about what they'll do to us some dark night when we least expect it, so we beat them a a little harder, just to show what happens when you mouth off to a Roman. After the anger comes pleading, they beg for mercy, beg us to stop the pain, even promising to pay us off if we let them go. We know the Empire isn't built on mercy, peace doesn't come through being nice to people like them, so we beat them even harder. The final stage comes when we stop, and they are suddenly, grateful. Imagine that, we beat the crap out of them and they end up grateful! Jesus didn't go through the stages though, he just remained... strong. Not physically of course, physically we wrecked him, but he didn't break, he didn't beg, he didn't threaten.

I think this got to some of the lads, they kind of took it as an insult that he didn't break. It made things much worse for him physically, turned it into a challenge to see who could break him. To tell you the truth, we went over the top - the captain tore a strip off us for it, but we figured no-one was going to get that upset over one Jew, and we kept on. By the time we'd finished you'd have struggled to tell the difference between his back and some ruined meat at the butchers. It's probably just as well we crucified him - I hate to think how long it would have taken to recover from what we did to him.

Still he didn't break though. We heard some were calling him a King, so we 'worshipped' him in our special way - we made him a crown of barbed wire and pushed it onto his head. We blindfolded him and then punched him. We spat on him, we did everything short of killing him.

Word came down that he was going to be crucified, so we did the usual, we made him carry his cross on that ruined back. Up through the city, through the crowds, and on to Golgotha. He had a perseverance about him, he just kept grinding out the steps, even when his body betrayed him. We had to drag some pleb out of the crowd to do the lifting eventually because Jesus was too far gone, but even then he kept trying to take the weight back.

Eventually we got him and the cross to Golgotha. I sent the pleb from the crowd on his way with a sound crack to the head - he nearly fell off the hill, so I must have got good contact! We threw Jesus to the ground, and I heard him gasp as the stones ground their way into that dogmeat back of his. I remember thinking, "You're going to get a lot worse than that mate." It's funny how I stop thinking of people as people when we do this to them, they just become a job we have to do. I gave the order and watched as they hammered the nails through each wrist. I always think the wrists are the easy bit - the nail goes between the bones, and while it seems to hurt like death once they are hanging up there (I guess as bone grinds against nail), it's not so bad when it's going in. The bad one is the feet. We twist their legs together and sideways, and drive the nail through both ankles. That has to hurt I reckon, having your bones shattered and pierced by a big lump of iron.

Anyway, we nailed Jesus on, and then lifted the cross up. I watched the shock rip through his body as the cross dropped suddenly into its posthole. Still, though, he didn't break, he didn't threaten, he just endured. Normally it takes a good day or two to die on a cross. When he died though, it was different from the usual. He cried out on the cross, "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?", "Father, into your hands I commit my spirit," and, "It is finished!" And then he died, after only six hours. But as he died the world shook, and I mean that literally - the ground shook, and a storm blew from somewhere with lightning and thunder like I've never seen. To be honest it scared the crap out of me, and you know me, I'm a Roman soldier, we don't scare easy. Right then I believed we'd done something more than we knew - we hadn't just crucified another Jew, the universe was angry at what happened there. It's enough to make you believe...

Right then I didn't have time to think about believing any more though, we still had a job to do, and the weather was just extreme - the wind was whipping sand and grit up, stinging my eyes so I could hardly see and blasting against my skin like tiny needles. We did the best we could to finish everything off - we broke the legs on the other two criminals so they would die quickly, and then some of his friends came and took Jesus' body away. Apparently though even in death Jesus was too dangerous to be left alone. It seems ridiculous doesn't it - Roman centurions guarding the grave of some peasant Jew as if he was precious treasure or something! We had a laugh about it as we hung around the graveyard, but boredom set in pretty quickly again on guard duty. We took shifts of course, and we saw a few people come and tend the grave, but nothing unusual, no riots or plots or magic tricks.

Until this morning that is. This morning something happened, but I can't begin to understand what. I was there guarding the tomb and then something changed, and I became aware that the tomb was open. Now listen, if you haven't seen one of these Jewish tombs let me explain it to you: the entrance is covered by rolling a round stone as big as me down a slope. That stone must weigh a ton, I mean it would take horses and ropes and serious effort to remove it. It certainly couldn't be moved away by one or two people, and definitely not by the dead man inside the tomb. And yet all of a sudden it was moved, and there was no work team with ropes and horses to do it. I looked inside, and there was no body, just the grave clothes (and someone had taken the time to fold them neatly).

So what happened? Well Jesus is gone, and I don't think he's dead - there are all these rumours now that he's been talking to people, changing their lives, appearing with the nail holes still visible, but very much alive.

Good Fridays - John Q Public's Story

2009-04-13T07:13:00.000+01:00

Note: John Q Public is an expression for a typical guy, so this isn't any named character in the Gospels, just a bloke.

I'd heard of Jesus, that he was one of those healers that come through the city now and then. But I never saw him till that Sunday he arrived at the East gate...I'd been doing some business with my brother-in-law who lives round there when we'd seen people gathering in the street and talking about someone coming who was going to save them from their troubles! We got caught up in the crowd and went to see what was going on for ourselves.

From all the talk in the crowd, I was kind of expecting to see a finely clothed man with many servants, being carried above them or at least riding a good horse...however, he came along riding on a donkey of all things...that was enough to know he was different, I tell ya! He had some men with him, but they didn't look much like servants, more like companions or friends I should say. He didn't have the build you'd expect of a great champion, but he was smiling and he did have this kind of presence about him.

All the people started cheering, and the guy next to me took off his cloak and ran forward to lay it in his path. There was a great atmosphere and more people arrived to watch the spectacle, waving palm branches and shouting stuff like 'Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!' Man, they were really into this guy!

He caused a bit of a stir in the temple, you know? I'd gone off by then, but I heard later how he apparently marched in there, ordered people to stop their trading and selling and went about with quite a temper, pushing over tables and upsetting things until people started to move on and clear up. Said it was holy ground or something...oh that's right, he reminded all the people that it was meant to be a 'house of prayer', not a 'den of robbers'. Quite a statement, but I guess he's right - the temple should be a sacred place. I wonder why the high priests have never seemed to mind about the traders there...?

Hmmm...yes, Jesus was hot gossip that week really...next thing I knew, he'd been taken in by the chief priests and I was caught up in a crowd again...this time outside Pilate's place where the priests were handing Jesus over to Pilate. They said they'd found him guilty of making wild claims about his identity...anyways, I couldn't really hear all that was being said...it was so noisy in the crowd and the people near me were jostling me and getting very het up...shouting 'crucify him, crucify him!' I thought how quick things seemed to have happened...one minute this bloke seems harmless enough, riding his donkey in to the city, next minute you know, he's been arrested and handed over to the Romans. It was all a bit alarming.

I wanted to wait around to see what actually happened to Jesus...I found him intriguing I suppose. He was different to other prisoners I'd seen. He handled the whole thing with amazing composure. He didn't struggle with his guards, in fact, he didn't look much like a criminal at all. They took him off and he got crucified, like they all wanted...nasty business that, excruciating they say, the worst form of death. And the lashes and torture beforehand of course...they break you one little bit at a time. But you should have seen Jesus...the way he took it, I can't explain it but there seemed such dignity, or something just different in how he endured it all.

I watched him up there on the cross. He died long before he ought to have done...I know, I've seen other crucifixions before and I swear I've never seen one go so quick. It was like he chose when to go. The whole thing was odd...it felt really important to stay and watch, like something else was gonna happen. When he died it, that was quite a moment. It was literally like the earth shuddered. It turned dark and seemed cold.

There's rumours going around now...people seem to be expecting something...he's been taken off to a tomb of course, but people have been talking about that sign the soldiers put above his head. It read 'King of the Jews' and they're saying what if...? I mean, even that centurion standing by the cross was overheard saying he was pretty sure Jesus was the son of God. If a Roman soldier was convinced, what does that mean? What if the chief priests have made an awful mistake? They're saying there's trouble up at the temple too, someone's meddled with the temple curtain or something. I don't know what to think.

Good Fridays - Judas's Story

2009-04-13T07:00:00.000+01:00

What kind of life was it, anyway? I mean, living under the shadow of those brutal Romans? What's the point of living when you're constantly being made to live in a smaller and smaller box? That's what it was like. It's sickening to know you have no way of fighting back... no way to improve things for your loved ones because the authorities want to keep you down...the pressure of never quite knowing how much money they're going to demand off you the next tax round...and people become ugly, you know? They start just looking after their own, after number one, and friendships become frayed because money and possessions are more and more vital for survival. Its selfish and heart-breaking. But you can understand it...you don't want it like that
but you understand it.

Anyway, there was this man..A new teacher in town...Jesus...he caught my attention. I'd heard many other preachers in the market places before, but you could tell they were just a con. However, Jesus was different! He talked differently. Not just a crowd-pleaser but kind of simple, you know? He said things so...simply. But then not, I mean, people would ask him a question, and he wouldn't give them a straight answer, he'd tell them a story. How funny is that? But then you'd find yourself listening, and realising that somehow, what this guy was saying was right, it felt true and good and like everything had a reason after all. Wow, it was amazing when you saw the crowds flocking to hear him speak! I got in there straight away. I got to know him...he chose me to be one of his 12 closest companions! That was a good time for me, it was exciting following Jesus around, travelling with him. I could see hope for the future, I felt like we could achieve anything when he talked...it felt like freedom could be real....

But that day he arrived into Jerusalem...the way he arrived! I mean, what was he thinking, arriving on a donkey? I think that was when my hope started fading. He was meant to be our liberator, he promised freedom if we only trusted in Him! What was he doing? And all the people who cheered him as he approached the city walls...who shouted 'Hosanna' like it didn't matter he looked a fool on that donkey...of course I couldn't say anything, I was walking alongside him with the others, but I couldn't help feeling embaressed. Some of the crowd even snapped off palm branches from the fields nearby and started waving them. Others laid their cloaks on the ground for him. I started doubting that Jesus really was going to help anything. Maybe he was just another gimmick, like those other preachers I'd seen. What had I been doing, trusting in him?

Later I passed the temple and saw a priest who I recognised as one of the ones out to quieten Jesus.
It started me thinking, well, why shouldn't I have some gain out of all this effort and time I'd put in
to believing in Jesus? Why shouldn't I look after myself a bit? I went up to him and suggested I
might know Jesus' movements if anyone was interested in finding him...he got my drift and
immediately took me in to discuss the transaction with Caiphas - the chief priest himself. I felt a bit
of an adrenalin rush when they agreed to 30 pieces of silver for my information, and for help in
guiding them to Jesus. It was so easy and Jesus was surely never to suspect what I'd done. I was one
of the twelve for goodness sake! When they found him they'd probably give him a bit of a warning,
a talking to about the stuff he's been going on about, maybe rough him up a bit

Later on, I saw my opportunity...Jesus had told us after supper that he wanted to pray in the Garden of Gethsemane so we all went with him. He seemed a bit agitated, and told us all to stay in one part of the garden and pray and keep watch, whilst he prayed further away in private. I knew the others would soon fall asleep because we always did after a meal. I took my chance and stole away, back to the priests who were waiting, ready. They had rather more guards than I thought was necessary but they insisted, and I guided them back to the garden.

Jesus was waking the disciples. I went up to him and greeted him with a kiss. This was the sign I'd agreed you see, the one I kissed was the one they wanted. Everything seemed to happen really fast then, some of the others were looking at me, some were trying to say sorry to Jesus for falling asleep, but Jesus was looking beyond at the approaching guards. He seemed calm, and then he looked straight at me. The word 'Rabbi...' was still coming from my lips when there was some kind of scuffle between the groups...one of the disciples had gone for one of the guards with his sword when they were seizing hold of Jesus, I think it was Peter... I had retreated into the background by now so I couldn't hear all that was said, but in a few moments they were binding Jesus' hands and leading him away...

The disciples fled the other way and then the garden was empty. Just darkness, and then a creeping feeling that I'd just done something of terrible consequence. Thoughts raced through my mind...oh my God, what exactly were they about to do to Jesus? And that look he'd given me...it was like he had looked straight into my soul! What had I done? Oh, Judas, for 30 pieces of silver! 30 pieces! What deal had I just brokered? What were they going to do to him? What if they....no, no they hadn't the authority...no!

I spent a day in agony whilst they interrogated him. The next morning, I heard that Caiphas and the Sanhedrin had found Jesus guilty of blasphemy and were handing him over to the Roman Governor, Pilate, with their request to have him killed. It was my worst nightmare. I hadn't meant this to happen! I went straight to the Sanhedrin and tried to give back the 30 pieces of silver. They wouldn't take it, they wouldn't listen to me tell them they'd got it wrong, that Jesus was innocent. I tried to plead with them, but they wouldn't listen, instead they scorned me and swept past me out of the courtyard. I threw the money after them and ran off, hearing the noise of scattering coins behind me.

I ran down the narrow streets, tears blurring my vision. I couldn't face anyone after that. I couldn't go to watch what they would do next. My guilt overwhelmed me. I decided to end it.

Good Fridays - Mary's Story

2009-04-13T06:46:00.000+01:00

You have to remember that while you probably think about him at the end, hanging there on the cross, I always think of him as my son. He was the first of our children, so everything about being a parent was new to us - when he was born we had no idea if we were doing it right, we just sort of made it up as we went! Actually everything was a bit like that - no-one told us how to bring him up right, we just did what seemed like a good idea. There are some moments that stick in my mind, like when he took his first steps or said his first words (he said 'Mummy' in case you're wondering). I remember the time when he was three that he fell down some steps into the street - he came this close to going under a horse's hooves, but somehow he didn't get hurt too much. Just imagine how I'd have felt if he went under though - the son of God squished by a horse while I was supposed to be looking after him! The thing about being a parent is you have all those 'nearly' moments and they nearly stop your heart because you love your son or your daughter so completely in a way you just can't explain. Every day of his life I loved him like that.

He was my son, but I always knew he was more than that. My first clue was the angels proclaiming his coming birth... There was always this sense that yes he was a normal, average boy, but yes he was something else as well. He loved to listen to the scriptures as much as I loved him I think, and trust me, not every boy his age was like that! He loved it so much that one time we ended up leaving him behind in the temple. He stayed listening and learning, and lost track of time or something. I panicked for three days until we found him again, and I've never really forgiven myself for leaving him behind I think. In a lot of ways I could have been a better mum, but like I say, I always loved him.

Anyway, you want to hear the end, not the beginning. It started with what they call the 'Triumphal Entry'. One of the things about him is you can never quite tell what he's thinking, or at least not all of what he's thinking. For the three years before this he would always try to keep things quiet, when he healed people he'd often tell them not to tell people who he was, and he never really came out and said, "I'm the Messiah by the way." So when he told his disciples to get a donkey and rode into Jerusalem on it it was a little surprising - you might not realise it but this was like holding up a big sign with ,"I'm the Messiah by the way. This is me, coming in on a donkey." on it. I was so proud of him, and of seeing other people begin to 'get it', begin to understand who he was. When that crowd started waving the palm leaves and laying their coats down in front of him there was something about it which just felt right, and who wouldn't like to see their son do well after all?Of course, you know that crowd didn't stay long. Even two hours later most of them seemed to have forgotten what they'd just done - I'll never understand how people can go from worship to apathy so quickly. Actually, I'd have settled for apathy instead of the hate that came later. Apathy wouldn't have betrayed him, apathy wouldn't have beaten him, or lied about him, or crucified him. I wasn't there when they arrested my son (there's another thing I feel bad about). The first I knew was when I got a text from John, "Jesus arrested,I'll find you." I didn't know what to do, I didn't even know who had arrested him or where they would have taken him. So, I just stood there, feeling like the world was ending.

Eventually John did find me, and somehow he got us into to the high priest's place. I think this was the first time I really saw the hate coming from their hearts. It filled the room, like the smoke from a fire seeping into every part of a house, carrying that stench, contaminating everything it touches. It was just pouring out of them, as they pushed him and punched him and accused him and lied about him.

They called it a trial but there was no truth there - they'd already decided the verdict and the sentence in their hearts. They called themselves the high priests, but they couldn't, wouldn't see God standing there in front of them. My son, God's son, was too much of a threat to their status, an uncontrollable Messiah who would ruin everything for them.

They knew they couldn't kill him without provoking the Romans, so they dragged him before Pilate to do their dirty work for them. Pilate tried to be an honest man, but I think he was torn between truth and politics. In the end politics won, and as he washed his hands in front of us I tried hard not to hate him for condemning my Jesus. Later, Jesus said, "Forgive them Father, they don't know what they're doing." I'm still tempted to hate Pilate, and the High Priests, and the soldiers who murdered my son, but I remember those words and I pray for them instead.

I wish I could forget all the things that came after this. I watched as my son was chained to a post and beaten with rods by those thugs who pass for soldiers. I watched him wince with every blow, but never break. I heard them laugh as they turned his flesh to pulp with every strike. I watched as they moved on from the rod to the scourge - you've probably never seen one, but they're evil things. It's a whip with nine tails, and in every tail there are bones, stones and hooks designed to tear the skin from the body. They flayed him and I watched as they broke through skin, with blood spraying on to the stones beneath him. I watched as they broke through muscle, and ripped it away from his back. I saw the bones of his back appear, as my son became a piece of meat in front of me.Finally they stopped, but only so they could throw the cross on his back and make him to carry it to his death. He was ruined already, the journey through the city and up the hill was more than his body could bear and they ended up forcing someone else to carry the cross.

Up there on Golgotha, I heard the sickening sound as they drove nails through my son's body, and saw him finally lifted on that terrible cross. My heart broke, but his, his heart still loved. He looked at me and at John as he stood next to me, and even as the life was bleeding from him with every moment he said, "Woman, behold your son! Son, behold your mother!" I understood something new then: I'd seen hate take on flesh in the high priests, and now I realised that love had taken on flesh in my son.

Good Fridays - Introduction

2009-04-12T07:51:00.000+01:00

Come and Listen from marktuma on Vimeo.

Surprises

2009-03-31T10:40:00.000+01:00

This morning I found out that someone I know is ill in a serious way, and so I sent him a message intended to support and encourage. I thought others might want some support and encouragement too, so below is some of what I wrote.

I'm not at all sure I can say anything that you won't already have reflected on in terms of spiritual encouragement, but if you don't mind I'll share just a couple of related thoughts that were chasing each other around my brain on the way to work this morning! On Sunday I'll be speaking at St Lukes for the first time in a while, and the subject, predictably, is Palm Sunday. I think the talk that's taking shape is that God is a surprising God, when we think we understand we are often brought to the realization that we really don't. The crowd end up unexpectedly welcoming a king and grabbing leaves and coats ad-hoc to lay down before him. Surprising too is the fact that the king comes on a donkey instead of a warhorse. I imagine the disciples were pretty surprised by the instructions about the donkey as well. I think this surprising is a defining characteristic of the relationship between us and God. I was struck a few months ago by the context for Jesus' reassuring words, "I am with you always to the end of the age." These have always been a key verse for me from the time I became a Christian - I think my disrupted family background made that promise all the more special to me. The bit of context which surprised me though was that in Matthew 28:17 we read that immediately preceding this Great Commission is doubt! Jesus comes to a doubting people and commissions and reassures them with words that endure through eternity.

This morning I woke up after what felt like far too short a night (although the letter I received puts things in a different perspective), and I was feeling pretty drained and low. Today looked like being one of those days where one feels like everything is just a hard grind against subtle and sneering opposition. However, thinking on this surprising God who's revealed himself makes me realise that this is the day when I can be surprised again by Him. Who knows what he might do, or where or how he might make his presence manifest today, even while I look the other way.

Critics

2009-03-30T09:13:00.002+01:00

"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."

Theodore Roosevelt

Ugly Brutes

2009-03-29T20:12:00.000+01:00

Warning - airplane geek post.

I've always had a soft spot for F-4 Phantom's. They are ugly as anything, but in such a powerful way that you can't help but think they're the best things in the air.

Unfortunately they are all old and no longer in service, and the worst part is they get used as targets now .

Carsaig

2009-02-04T07:01:00.006Z

A few more pictures taken at Carsaig. These are a couple of hundred metres North of the cemetery where Molly and John are buried.

Scottish Sunrise

2009-02-02T20:58:00.004Z

It's not always raining, but the sun had a hard time breaking through on this particular morning.

Mist and the Crinan Canal

2009-02-02T20:52:00.004Z

These two are taken by the Crinan Canal, on a cold afternoon.

"Gracie" #'s 1, 2 and 3

2009-02-02T20:41:00.005Z

I love this little sequence from Christmas. It starts with me saying, "Gracie, look at me!"

Molly's Flowers

2009-01-28T08:18:00.010Z

Naomi's Gran rests here, buried with her husband John.

A Genius Extension For Thunderbird

2009-01-19T16:26:00.000Z

Maybe not something you need everyday, but this is a genius little Thunderbird extension if you have a lot of emails you want to save the attachments from. For example, you might have (like I did) a whole bunch of scanned documents emailed to you by the photocopier in separate emails (we have a semi-sentient copier, it likes to communicate with us). Or you might have a lot of pictures sent as email attachments across a number of messages.

Eviljeff can't really be that evil, because he has very kindly solved the problem for us. Click here if you want it.

Shaun Lunt

2008-12-07T08:51:00.000Z

I came across this adventurer's blog today. Shaun seems to have had the sort of hobbies that inspire admiration and jealousy in equal measure, and something about his photos of flying in Alaska makes my heart beat a little faster.

He died young doing the things you see in his blog, and it seems like he left a big hole for a lot of people.

Fatigue

2008-12-05T12:42:00.001Z

I was reading a report on a airliner accident (nerdy holiday reading!) and I came across this section:

Fatigue can arise from a number of different sources, including time on task, time since awake, acute and chronic sleep debt, and circadian disruption (i.e. factors which affect the normal 24-hour cycle of body functioning). A recent review of fatigue research relevant to flight operations has noted that fatigue can have a range of influences, such as increased anxiety, decreased short-term memory, slowed reaction time, decreased work efficiency, reduced motivational drive, increased variability in work performance, and increased errors of omission. However, many of these symptoms generally only appear after substantial levels of sleep deprivation have been imposed. The review also made the following observations:
A common symptom of fatigue is a change in the level of acceptable risk that a person tolerates, or a tendency to accept lower levels of performance and not correct errors.
Error rates increase during the period 0000 to 0600.
Most people need eight hours sleep each day to achieve maximum levels of alertness and performance.
Decrements in alertness and performance intensify if the time awake is 16 to 18 hours. Performance decrements of ‘high time-since-awake’ crews tended to result from ineffective decision-making rather than a deterioration of aircraft handling skills.
Fatigue is cumulative.
There is a discrepancy between self-reports of fatigue and actual fatigue levels, with people generally underestimating their level of fatigue.

What does this have to do with us? Well, I'm on holiday, so I'm having a lovely rest. The rest of you are not, and while you are hopefully not getting into situations of acute fatigue and substantial sleep-deprivation in any given 24 hour period, the finding that fatigue is cumulative deserves some consideration. I know that before this holiday I would have described myself as fatigued, because it has been a very busy term, and we've had some unforeseen circumstances thrown in for good measure. When I look at the list of possible results: "increased anxiety, decreased short-term memory, slowed reaction time, decreased work efficiency, reduced motivational drive, increased variability in work performance, and increased errors of omission", I can tick them all off in terms of saying, "Yes that was happening with me." I'm sure I'm not the only one.

So, what can we do if cumulative fatigue is a problem on some level for us?

1) Examine our work. Are we over-working? If so, is this necessary or not? Sometimes we just have to do some things, but other times we need to take control of our situation a bit more. Where is the pressure to overwork coming from? Is it from your boss setting you an unrealistic workload? Is it from you putting pressure on yourself to live up to some standard which is unnecessary and unhelpful?

2) Examine our efficiency. If our workload is necessary and reasonable, are we doing it in the easiest way? Sometimes the inefficient and unstructured ways we prefer to do things make things take longer and feel more pressured.

3) Examine our personal lives. Are we being wise with our time-off? Are we doing things which increase our cumulative fatigue level when the grown-up thing might be to curtail some of our activities? As a slight, but related aside, I am convinced that part of the package of this job (i.e. working at NYFC) means that we have to accept the sacrifice of our social lives decreasing and losing some of the freedom we might otherwise have had to nip off every weekend somewhere. It sucks, but I think accepting it and working with it is the only sensible solution.

4) Examine our fatigue levels. If we're fatigued and likely to underestimate this factor, we will be more at the mercy of less-rational anxieties and pressures. If we can take a step-back and recognize that fatigue is affecting our view of things, then we have a rational tool to help have a more positive view of life, which will help us achieve more, reduce the pressure, and therefore become less fatigued.

Another Fridays Related Post

2008-11-27T05:52:00.000Z

This means more if you're one of the people who made the request...

Hope you are all well back there in Blighty (that's Great Britain in case you're confused!). I'm enjoying the desert sunshine and hot weather here in Saudi Arabia, but news has reached me of the request that Fliss and I lead worship at December Fridays. There's a few things I want to say, but first is that this is only going to be the last Fridays if that's what the turnout indicates, so let's not be too down-hearted just yet people (and even if it does end up being the last one, rejoice, for there's always something new on the horizon).

Now I want to take you all back, way back, to the time when Fliss and I used to lead worship. Back then I was a member of the staff team, rather than being the Director. Fridays as a whole was my responsibility, but we had a Director and another staff team member who were usually there and would take an active part in the evening. Worship was my primary focus on any given Fridays, and I usually didn't have to give too much thought to anything else. I was also a lot younger then! Fliss and I have been leading worship together for years and years, so particularly in the last few years we did it together at Fridays there was an ease which came from that, as well as from having had a fairly long-standing and solid band. There were times when it rocked, and times when things went wrong, but I think what we tried to bring to it was a whole-hearted, nothing-held-back commitment to worshipping Jesus at Fridays.

A few years back things changed at NYFC, when through an involved set of circumstances we lost the Director we had then and my friend Matt and I were asked to be Joint Directors for a while. This instantly meant that we had one less staff member to share the load at Fridays, and that rather than just being able to think about the worship I had to think about everything. For a while this just meant I did everything not that well! Later on my buddy Matt moved on to lead a new YFC centre based in Gorleston, and so we lost another staff member from the Fridays posse, meaning that the load on those of us who were left jumped up again.

Somewhere in the midst of that we managed to persuade Dom to take responsibility for the worship, but he felt it was right to draw that to a close in Summer 08, and in any event was ill for the tail-end of last year. Now, Dom had come up through the band, knew Fridays and therefore that was a relatively smooth transition, especially as most of the band stayed pretty much the same. Handing on the worship to Dom was a wrench, as it is something that I have always loved, and Fridays has sometimes been the best place for freedom in worship this side of Soul Survivor for me, but it was also the right thing to do, and there was a sense of relief and progress in doing it - it meant I could trust Dom to get on with that, and I could think about the other things.

Come Summer 08, Dom leaves after being ill for quite a while, and we're faced with the problem of who leads the worship now. This coincided with us altering Paul's contract (this is complicated, so I won't try to explain that here) so that he was available to us for half the week, which was not the case before. Now, Paul hadn't come up through Fridays, didn't know you lot, or the songs you know, and unfortunately wasn't able to be at Soul Survivor this Summer to get to know you and the songs you loved there. This meant the transition wasn't as smooth as with Dom. What Paul did have, however, (and still does) was a heart which worships. Not everyone has this in my view - some people, like my friend Matt I mentioned earlier, just can't engage with worship in a deep and passionate way. People like Matt take part in worship, but it's because they know they should, rather than because their hearts are almost bursting with a desire to praise Jesus. I'm not putting Matt and others down by the way, if anything their commitment to praise God should be commended! This heart of worship is my number one most important characteristic when thinking about whether someone should lead worship. Other things are needed too, and there are skills each of us can work on, but if the heart is not there it will always be a mechanical exercise, rather than a moment when heaven and earth collide and everyone says, "oooh, what just happened there?"

Now, I'm sure Paul would not say he is perfect in every way yet, and neither would I! I wouldn't say that about myself either though. Paul has had to step into a situation where he was not known and loved, with a band that has changed a lot, and a potentially dieing event, and that's not an easy situation. He has my confidence however, because of that heart that I mentioned above.

In addition, the practical reasons that I have tried to explain above are still there - Fliss and I have other responsibilities now; and in this particular case I won't even be back from holiday until two days before Fridays so I wouldn't be able to practice or anything. So, I think it will not be possible for me and Fliss to swap with Paul this time. Depending on who's available it is possible that Fliss may be able to sing with Paul, but I'm not at work so I don't know what their diaries are like.

Finally, whilst I always love the flattery of being asked to do stuff like this, the key question is not about who is leading, but about who is being worshipped. If for whatever reason you've found the change to Paul leading disconcerting, then please just worship Jesus anyway. If Paul chooses a song you don't know, do your best. If Paul does something you don't like, then worship Jesus more. If the fact that Paul's a Luton fan brings a real desire to do him violence, then pray for him instead.

Fridays - Use It or Lose It

2008-11-11T11:29:00.000Z

Gentle Reader,

For something like twenty years NYFC has run an event called Fridays. It's always been about discipleship and about promoting unity within Christian young people, giving a place of almost 'neutral' ground where young people from across the churches could meet and encourage each other.

Back in the early days it was probably the only choice if you were looking for a service just designed for young people. From humble beginnings it hit a numerical high tide of three to five hundred back in the early 90's. These days there are other options, with a number of churches doing a great job in providing youth-focussed services and events, and so Fridays is not as big as it used to be.

I still believe that Fridays is a unique offering:

NYFC isn't a church, and we're not trying to be a church, so churches can bring their young people to Fridays without worrying about losing them to another church (and I'm not saying people should feel like that!).
NYFC wants to support and resource the local church, so no matter how many or few young people a church has we want Fridays to be a help to them.
NYFC has it's own distinctive approach and style for worship.
NYFC places value on communicating creatively, and this works out in Fridays when we teach in different ways.

However, we need to face the fact that Fridays is not as popular as it used to be, and we may be witnessing the end of its run. At this point in the year we expect to have somewhere between 80 and 120 people coming. Last week we had 30.

Now, I'm totally happy for us to play some role in discipling and encouraging thirty young people. It's part of what we are here for. If there are thirty young people who will commit to being part of something we'll make something happen.

There are two problems at the moment though:

We do not have any sense of predictable commitment from people who might come. Who knows if the thirty that were here this month are coming next month? We certainly don't! This makes it really hard to plan appropriate evenings when we can't know what level to pitch at, or how many people to allow for.
We have limited resources, and limited time, so if we're providing something for a committed 30 I think there are probably better ways of doing it, and ways which mean we can free up some capacity to do other new things as well. Doing Fridays as is takes a lot of time and effort, and as the Director I have a responsibility to always question if we are making the best use of what is available to us.

My concern here is that the trend is not good for the future of Fridays - if the trend continues we're going to have 15 people in December, and that is not enough to make Fridays our best use of what's available to us.

The bottom line here is this:

Fridays - Use It or Lose It

If you want Fridays to continue then show us that by coming in December and then making it a priority to be at for the rest of this academic year. This will tell us that you value Fridays and want us to keep doing it. Please realise that saying you like it is not going to be enough - we need to see people actually turning up in December.

If you don't come in December and then keep coming then we will assume this means that Fridays is not something important to you, and that will tell us we should stop doing it. Let me be really clear though, this is ok! We'll be sad to see it go, but we won't be angry with anyone for not needing it anymore. As it says in Ecclesiastes, there is a time for everything, and maybe it's time for Fridays to end. We'll probably make a decision about this after Fridays in January. If it does end we will be happy that for fifteen years we have had the privilege of being part of the faith and life of young people in and around Norwich, and we will be immensely proud of all of you who have been part of it over the years.

Finally, I know that some of you reading this are bound to feel like I'm having a whinge at you for not turning up, so let me say one more time, as clearly as I can: I (speaking for the whole of NYFC) am not disappointed in any of you who have ever come to Fridays, even if you've stopped coming for whatever reason. We know there is life outside of Fridays, we've loved the chance to serve you, and we've been blessed to have you as part of the thing. We'll be sad if we never get to see you at Fridays again, but we'll trust that God has other plans for you and for us, and in this we can rest confident.

So, bottom line one more time, if you want Fridays to carry on show us by coming in December. :)

Come to Me, and I will Give You Rest

2008-11-11T03:47:00.000Z

I'm feeling a little burdened at the moment, or at least I assume that's why I'm tense, can't sleep and am writing a blog at 3:45 am! It's been a very busy term for NYFC, and yesterday in our team meeting I pointed us to Matthew 11:28-30, where Jesus says, "Come to me, all who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." (English Standard Version).

It's fair to say that the team at NYFC is a little tired at the moment, energy levels flagging under the load of this term, so for us yesterday this was a timely reminder of a simple truth - we needed to come to him to find the rest for our souls. It struck me though that there's more depth to these words than I've noticed before.

For one thing, I hadn't noticed that these words only appear in Matthew before. I had assumed they were in all the gospels, but in fact it's only in Matthew's gospel, written for his particular Jewish audience, that we find these words. That makes sense when you consider the language used here - yoke was used to refer to the body of a Rabbi's teaching, rest for your souls comes from Jeremiah 6:16 - it was a particularly Jewish set of language references, and wouldn't have had the same resonance with a non-Jewish readership.

Chapter 11 starts (after an explanatory verse 1) with John the Baptist hearing about what Jesus is up to, and sending people to find out if Jesus is really the Messiah. There's a sense of rising hope in John, even as he is in prison (and on the way to a gruesome death) he believes that in Jesus he is seeing the fulfillment of his life's purpose. John preached to prepare people for the coming Messiah, and now he sees that the Messiah has indeed arrived. I guess John was probably burdened and heavy laden in his soul at times in prison, but he gives us an example of coming to Jesus right at the beginning of this chapter.

Jesus replies to John's people, basically saying, "Yes, I am the Messiah. You can tell by all these things I'm doing." As John's people are leaving Jesus takes the opportunity to give an impromptu sermon to the crowds who have gathered around him. He starts by asking them, "What did you go out into the wilderness to see? A reed shaken by the wind? What then did you go out to see? A man dressed in soft clothing? Behold, those who wear soft clothes are in kings' houses. What then did you go out to see? A prophet? Yes, I tell you, and more than a prophet." (ESV again). So what's behind these questions?

Well, this crowd obviously knew of John the Baptist, and it seems a number of them had been to listen to John when he preached out in the desert. Jesus is asking them why. What was the point of their journey to this mangy looking guy in the middle of nowhere? Did they go to see a reed shaken by the wind, and what's that about anyway? Well, the other references in the New Testament to objects being shaken by wind tend to imply uncertainty, changing minds, lack of solid foundations. If John had been that reed then his message would have changed from day to day, as each tide of self-doubt, opposition, or new theory on the Messiah swept over him. No-one would have bothered going to listen to someone like that - after all most of us are like that already, we don't benefit from hearing someone else being as indecisive as we are! There were already plenty of people who could give a changing opinion which fit whatever the prevailing mood was.

So, they wanted something solid, and now Jesus gives a second option. Did they go looking to be impressed? Did they go looking for a show, or another prophet in an Armani suit (to quote a song I quite like)? Were they looking for the next celebrity x-factor Israel's got talent in a high school musical winner? No, Jesus says, if you were looking for that you'd have gone to a palace. John didn't put on a show, he didn't dress smoothly, he didn't do anything to hype his message. He just lived a radically different life and preached the message he'd been given.

The truth is people went looking for a prophet. People went to listen to John searching for solid truth. They were living under occupation, with religious leaders who were debating over endless details of the rules they had invented for being right with God. Their world was not how they instinctively felt it should be. They knew themselves as God's people, and yet foreign powers ruled them and they felt distant from the God they believed in. They wanted to know God's words in this upside-down situation. They wanted something unchanging, something of substance, integrity and conviction. They wanted to hear the words of God which would tell them what the right paths were (Jer 6:16).

Now, skip to the end of chapter 11, to the words I quoted at the start of this entry. Read them in the context of John the Baptist. I think Jesus is saying, "Look, you came to John looking for those right ways, looking for the things to do to make yourselves right with God again, so that maybe the world would start to make more sense. You came to John because you were disappointed and disillusioned with this religion your leaders are pushing, which just seems to create more and more rules and requirements, and make it harder and harder for you to approach God. You came because you have an instinctive knowledge that God is with you, but your everyday experience is not matching up with that. You came looking for solid and unchanging truth, and you came because you were eager for new hope to appear in God's Messiah."

I've mentioned Jeremiah 6:16 a few times, here it is: 'Thus says the Lord, "Stand by the roads, and look and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way is; and walk in it, and find rest for your souls."'

God's appeal to his people in Jeremiah was for them to return to doing the things he had instructed them in, and by doing that to find rest for their souls. Unfortunately, the people refuse in the second part of Jer 6:16! But this shows us how the people in Matthew 11 would have been thinking. They were searching for these old ways, the things they were supposed to do (better late than never I guess), but Jesus says, "Come to me." It's not about doing a set of things any more. It's not about being an ultra-religious pharisee, keeping every last moral code in a life devoted to never, ever getting any detail wrong. It's about coming to Jesus. It's not about works or how we can impress God, it's about coming to Jesus. God knows we're not capable of what he requires from us, and in Jesus he gives us an eight lane highway with big honking signs that we can follow to eternal life. Jesus makes it about grace, kindness and favour we could never earn or deserve, but which is tipped over us so that we are completely covered by it.

One final question remains then - how do we come to Jesus? Well, I think we take our example from John first. He couldn't physically come to Jesus, so once again it's not about what we do or the rules we follow. John came to Jesus in his spirit, by recognizing Jesus for who he was. As John put his hope and trust in Jesus as God's Messiah, John gave Jesus the place of honour and rule in his own heart and life. Effectively John became a Christian, and worshipped Jesus. We can do the same, even as we're reading now, and we will find that the troubles we're burdened by will cease to rule us as they do. The only thing we have to do is not forget! For the team yesterday our response to these verses was to worship, and it's in that worship that we felt unburdened. The reason I'm writing this now (4:40am now, an hour has passed as I've written!) is because I quickly forget, and this is my act of worship to remember the truth that Jesus is my Lord, and his burden for me is light.

Googlemail is Great - Forgotten Attachment Detector!!

2008-11-04T12:25:00.000Z

I've been wanting this for ages, and they've just brought it out. Now you can tell googlemail to idiot proof you when you mention an attachment but forget to attach it! Ten thumbs up google!

Shifts - Saul of Tarsus

2008-10-15T07:37:00.002+01:00

Shifts - Saul of Tarsus

Saul's life shifted when his view of God in Jesus shifted

These notes are from a talk given at Fridays in October. The last two headings are not complete yet, but if I find my handwritten notes I'll try to add them!

Intro
You sometimes hear people talking about a 'Road to Damascus' experience, and usually what they mean by that they are describing a pivotal moment in life. Often it sounds like this is a one-time big deal, e.g. "I was walking to work one day and I realised that we were all born naked, man. So I understood in that moment that clothes, clothes were like this artificial construct that keep us from being who we really are, dude. From that day on I've worn nothing but this tie-dyed bobble hat. It was my road to Damascus moment dude."

It's actually a little bit misleading though, because Saul didn't just have one shift. When I read the Bible I don't find a story of someone who was thoroughly bad, wrong and evil one day, and then thoroughly good, right and godly the next. There's a little more to it than that, and as a little aside perhaps be a little suspicious of anyone who says they were totally transformed in one instant of meeting Jesus. I haven't yet met anyone who got to perfection in Jesus-like-ness on the day of their conversion, whereas I know a lot of people who've been Christians for years and are still some way from perfection, including me!

Let me tell you a little bit about this guy Saul of Tarsus then. Let's deal with the obvious first, his name was Saul and he was from a place called Tarsus. Saul was named after King Saul, the first King of Israel. Tarsus was a big deal, a city of 'no small reputation'. It was prosperous, so Saul was likely from a wealthy and well-educated family, and he was from the tribe of Benjamin, not the biggest, but one of the nicest. We know he was a Pharisee, and what's more a son of a Pharisee, so he was steeped in the Jewish way of discipleship. He studied under a famous Rabbi called Gamaliel. According to one ancient tradition he had thinning hair, crooked legs, a big nose and a mono-brow! By the way, he came to be known as Paul later on, and I'll use both names here, so don't be confused!

Let's talk a little about Gamaliel. In Acts he seems to recognised as a generally moderate voice amongst the Pharisees. We can end up thinking of them as one bunch who all thought the same way. It's easy to make some generalisations about them - if you've been around church a while you probably think of the Pharisees as being obsessed with keeping the Law, and you might imagine they were the ultra-hardline conservatives as far as Judaism went. Seeing how Saul behaves before his experience on the Road to Damascus might lead us to the conclusion that they were the equivalent of the Islamic fundamentalists and groups like the Multawaeh, or even perhaps the jihadists.

As often happens though, the heart and roots of the Pharisee movement has been obscured by later events and actions, so here's some Pharisee History:

They were a middle class minority - only about 6,000 of them maybe
As mainly middle-class people they were at least a little in touch with ordinary people (at least to begin with)
They believed that it was really important that individuals kept the Law, and so they actually wanted to help people by making the rigour of the Law more bearable and keep-able.
To help people keep the Law they formed new regulations and codes, putting distance between The Law and everyday life, kind of like, "Don't touch what you haven't got!"
They ended up being the dominant force in the Sanhedrin (Jewish High Council). By the time Jesus encountered the Sanhedrin they had the power and authority to judge in religious, civil, and even some criminal matters. The Sanhedrin had measures in place to make it fair, like you couldn't be convicted unless 2/3 agreed, but you only needed a simple majority on your side to be acquitted.

So, actually, rather than being these unpleasant, overbearing and nit-picking people we encounter in the Gospels, they started off with some great ideas. They were trying their hardest to honour God, and to help others do the same, and they were an awful lot nicer than the Sadduccees (boo hiss), for instance.

Despite all this though, by the time of Jesus the Pharisees had lost some of that initial focus - they'd ended up concentrating on the traditions rather than the point of it all, so Jesus has some choice words for them throughout the Gospels. The Pharisees were the biggest component of the Sanhedrin at Jesus' trial, and it seems like they conveniently forgot all their rules about justice this one time. The Sanhedrin pops up again and again in Acts as one of the principle sources of persecution for the early church, like with Peter in Acts 5, and Stephen in Acts 6 and 7.

Within the Pharisees there were two competing schools of thought, inspired by two megastar Rabbis with differing viewpoints. In the red corner, we have Hillel the elder, and in the blue corner Shammai the grumpy. Shammai had a bad temper, and was known for being stricter than Hillel in his interpretations of the Law. So, Hillel's peeps would teach the Torah to anyone, figuring it would lead them closer to God, but Shammai's crew said, "Oh, no, you have to be worthy before we'll let you study it." Hillel's posse would let men divorce their wives if they burnt the dinner, Shammai's homies said men could only divorce their wives for serious reasons! In general, whenever there was a debate about some point of law, Hillel and co were the chilled out dudes who let it all hang out, and Shammai and friends were the locked down, uptight and unchanging figures.

So, knowing what Saul got up to, which school of thought do you think he and Gamaliel might have belonged to? Shammai? Obvious, but wrong! Gamaliel, and therefore Saul, were part of Hillel's crew, so they were generally more laid back and relaxed about stuff, and we can see an example of that in Acts 5:34-40.

So, now that we have a little background, let's look at two of Saul's shifts.

Shift #1 - And Saul was there...

Acts 7:54-8:1 - This is when we first meet Saul, and he's only a bit part player at this point. Stephen is stoned to death after telling it like it is to the Sanhedrin, and accepts his death in a way that follows Jesus. Saul is here as the coat boy for the people who are actually lobbing the stones. Yet, something in this moment shifted Saul, because he seems to change from being an onlooker to being an active persecutor, approving of the killing of God's children, and going on to become the scourge of the church for a while. It makes you wonder exactly what kind of person this guy is. This nice, middle-class young man, from the relaxed school of Hillel seems to suddenly shift and become consumed with blood-lust for the Christians. We can probably assume this experience had a profound impact on him. As far as we know before this point he's never seen an execution and never taken persecuted his fellow Jews, but after this he seems to go on a spiral of hate towards the followers of Jesus.

Imagine how Saul might describe it if you heard him talking about it. Imagine we had him here today and we got him to tell the story in his own words. What would he be saying?

Maybe these would be his bullet points:

I wasn't expecting any of this to happen that day
I was kind of fascinated by the stoning - I wanted to watch and I didn't want to all at the same time
That day I wasn't ready to actually kill someone, but it made it a lot easier to hurt people later on
I told myself it was ok, I was being zealous for God, this man was a blasphemer so why should he live any longer. Part of me wasn't satisfied with that though.
When it was done, he died so well, but I just laughed. After all, that's what everyone else was doing.

So what happened after this Saul? Sure you were there approving of Stephen's execution, but what happened in you? From chapter 8 It seems like you made it your mission to destroy the church after that moment?

"I can't really explain it, it just kinda took me over. Maybe it was how Stephen died that enraged me so much. I mean the whole point of the stoning is here's this guy who blasphemes God, and we wanted to make him sorry for what he'd done. I wanted him to know some torment fitting for taking the name of God in vain, like when he called this Jesus the Righteous One, but he didn't seem tormented. He seemed to have a rightness even as the stones were landing on him. It almost felt like he was mocking us all, although I don't think that's what he meant. I think he just believed what he said so much that it compelled him right up to the end. He even asked God to forgive us - the transgressor, the criminal before us asked God to forgive us who were doing justice. I didn't want to own up to having done anything that needed forgiving. If we'd admitted we shouldn't have stoned him we would have been admitting he was right about Jesus too. We'd have been saying, 'Yes, Jesus was the Messiah, and we killed him because we were more concerned with our rules than with God. I couldn't have taken that - I'm from Hillel's school of thought, we're the moderate ones - it's not comfortable being told that we were in the wrong in such a major way.

"After that it became one of those tunnel experiences. You go into it not really aware of where it leads, and then you find there's no option to turn left or right, you just have to keep plowing forward. I got deeper and deeper into hating these Christians. I couldn't stop, because that would have meant facing myself and where I'd been and done wrong."

Maybe Saul wouldn't have said it just like that, or maybe he would (that's the joy of guessing, I can make it up!).

By the time we get to verse 1 of chapter 9 this rage has consumed Saul. He's gone from being some nice middle-class reasonable young man to someone 'breathing threats and murder'. This is one of those great descriptive phrases we come across sometimes in the Bible, because it shows us just how deep the hatred had gone in him. What comes out of us when we breathe? We breathe out what has been inside us, the air that we took in and added our own pollutant to. We can't breathe out something that wasn't inside us, and whatever gas mix is in our lungs will come out when we breathe, and carry with it the CO2 developed from all around within us. So when Saul breathes out threats and murder, Luke is telling us that this is what was right inside him. Now threats and murder were central to what Saul was. It had become his obsession, his heart's desire. Think about the journey for this Pharisee. It starts with a desire to please God by his actions, because Saul believes in a God who accepts those who obey the letter of the Law. He understands that behaviour is important to his God, and that the way to gain favour with God is to do the right thing. Gradually though the rules become the point rather than the means, and now you'd think he's forgotten everything about God and replaced that knowledge with threats and murder, scheming how to get more Christians. Years later when he writes the book of Romans Paul describes the end point of mankind's journey away from God like this, "They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness and malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil..." I think when he wrote that he gave a pretty fair description of himself at this point in Acts 9.

Shift #2 - The Road to Damascus and forward

Acts 9

Jerusalem-Damascus - 140 miles between 5 and 7 days walking?

Receiving Blindness 9:1-9
So, Saul, in this state of hatred and murder, goes to see the High Priest. We can probably safely assume this guy was one of Shammai's crew rather than a Hillel dude like Gamaliel. Saul asks for this letter of authorisation to round up any Christians he finds in Damascus and bring them back as prisoners to Jerusalem. So, what's going on here is Saul is asking for permission to travel 140 miles, probably on foot, to the North East, arrest any Christians he finds there, and bring them back in a forced march. All of this will be happening in plain view, in Roman occupied lands. Saul is not just talking about a little fishing trip, grabbing a single Christian and giving a beating, he's talking about something equivalent to fishing every cod out of the sea, a vastly more structured and significant undertaking. I'm not sure why I chose a fishing analogy here...

The high priest must have thought this was a great idea, and so Saul sets off on his way to persecute followers of the Way. This is another of those little gems of Bible language I think. There's a summary of the problem in those two ways. Saul, who started off so well, has ended up following a route which is not God's route. He's ended up on a path of his own making, his way not God's way. And like I said before, although the start of this route had a good heart, the end point is that this Pharisee of Pharisees ends up trying to destroy God's people. Again it underlines to us how important it is to keep sight of what's at the centre of all we do in trying to follow God. Is it about God, or is about our ways?

Anyway, Saul sets off with a couple of mates - maybe they were prison guards in their day jobs. He's well over half way to Damascus, and all is well. Nothing unusual here, why shouldn't all be well when travelling between these two cities? Saul has no reason to expect anything out of the ordinary on this journey, and certainly he wouldn't have been expecting what was about to happen! Saul has no sense that God is about to break into his world, he's totally unprepared for an encounter with Christ. Now, us 'clever' Christians know that Jesus can make himself known anywhere anytime. We can be praying in the toilet and be totally sure that God is listening and that there's every possibility he might give an answer in some form. Saul doesn't share our view of God at this point though. As far as he is concerned God is related to through rules, obedience, and pre-set prayer and ritual. How we understand God will make a huge difference to how we act and what we experience.

Anyway, Saul is nearly at Damascus when he has this 'encounter'.

Can you picture this encounter? Can you imagine the scene on some dusty track when all this goes off? It's like ZZZZAAAAAAAMMMMMMM!!! Blinding light everywhere you look, maybe there was a noise like thunder too. Either way it scares the wits out of Saul & co! Saul falls on the ground - think soldiers under fire maybe? Then he hears a voice saying, "Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?"

My guess is Saul is not 100% rational at this moment. I imagine that he's a little bit rabbit in the headlights, a little bit shell shocked, a little bit wetting himself! His answer to the question isn't witty, educated, or anything else, it's one of abject fear. It's like he recognises that he's in the grip of something or someone beyond his experience and understanding, someone or thing which is obviously more powerful than he is, so he better be nice, hence "Lord" at the end of Saul's question. I heard a story yesterday of someone from Brazil who'd come to the UK for a year, and was living down in Devon. The first day he drove a car was also his first experience of English country lanes. He was a bit confused, and a it anxious, so he was going slowly, and to be blunt, not driving well. After a little while a police car comes along, and pulls our friend over. He begins to worry a bit more, having visions of getting arrested in his first week in the UK. He quickly realises that the words he should use most right now are sorry and please! This combination of grovelling and apologising works, and he gets a chauffeur drive home from one of the policemen, with the other escorting behind in the police car!

The answer he gets from the voice completely floors him, "I am Jesus..." This is the shift right here. Those words turn on the lights on everything in Saul's life. He's been wrong about Jesus, which means he was wrong about everything. He's been wrong about the Way, wrong about persecuting, wrong about Stephen, wrong about how you relate to God, wrong about how you should live, wrong about how he interpreted the Law, wrong about what he should do for God's glory, wrong about entering this tunnel in the first place. How do you reckon it feels for an educated person who is thoroughly convinced that their way of looking at life is right and superior to everyone else's to suddenly be exposed as totally wrong? How do you think it feels for someone who started out wanting to please God to realise that instead he's been effectively beating and murdering what God has done? How do you think Saul felt to realise that in trying to do God's will he had done tremendous evil?

What do you think he was expecting God to do next? I'd have been worried! If I were in Saul's position I would be expecting swift punishment. I'd be terrified, and helpless, because the other thing that happens is that Saul is blinded. Imagine it, you're walking along, you have this experience of intense light all around you, overloading your senses like a stun grenade or something, and then you're plunged into a world of total darkness. Ten minutes ago you were totally self-confident, sure of your ground, moving with authority and purpose. Now you know you know nothing, you're blind and completely at the mercy of others. I think the reason Saul didn't eat for the next three days is because he was terrified. Sometimes I don't want to eat before talking because nerves are getting to me. Saul's got preacher's nerves multiplied several thousand times. After all his mates saw it all happen, it's not like they are going to give much reassurance!

I reckon he was getting a taste of how the Christians had been feeling. Since Saul appeared on the scene any Christian who lived anywhere near where Saul was knew they could be taken at any moment. Every time they prayed, worshipped, met together or whatever, they knew it was dangerous. They were totally at the mercy of Saul and his buddies. All the Christians could do is cry out to God and depend on him to look after them.

Saul spends the next three days waiting for the axe to fall, waiting for Jesus to come back and finish the job. For three days he's in a prison of darkness, alone with himself, realising just what he's done and how angry God should be with him. I reckon he spent those three days praying as much as he knew how to, pleading for mercy, acknowledging his guilt and asking God to be lenient with him. What was his view of God telling him now? He knew what was supposed to happen to blasphemers - death! Now he realises that denying Jesus is blasphemy, and his view of God would tell him that this situation was only going one way.

So now Saul's had two shifts: first the shift into hatred and rage; and second the shift into darkness and the wretched realisation that he knows nothing about anything!

Receiving Sight 9:10-19

Receiving Truth 9:19

What Confidence and Assurance Do

2008-09-10T10:00:00.003+01:00

Following on from 'Things Ain't How They Should Be'...

Later today I'm speaking to a group of older ladies at Surrey Chapel, and because I managed to destroy our server again last week I've found myself with less time to prepare than planned. So much for good intentions eh? In a moment of cunning plan-ness I've decided to re-use Sunday's talk, but add a few more bits.

In a way 'Things...' reflects our job at NYFC - evangelism is about introducing people to the concept and person of the LORD, and to the salvation that Jesus gives.

One problem for us is that salvation is a meaningless concept if you don't understand your need to be saved from something. I'm trying to think of a more contemporary reference, but all I can come up with now is Peter Sellers in the Pink Panther films: Inspector Cluseau has countless lucky escapes but never notices - he's not grateful for being saved because he never knew he was in danger! The people Jesus spoke to, and the people who were around in the time of Leviticus 16, were generally not godless or aetheistic. There was a background cultural assumption of the existence of other realms, of angels, demons and gods to appease or worship. In fact I would guess that most people would in some sense have been quite relieved by the news that they only had to worry about one God, not lots, and all the more so when Jesus made it so easy to do the right thing by the one God.

Having said that, Jesus also made things are lot harder, because he made it about heart and righteousness, rather than about blase appeasement by arbitrary sacrifice. Going back to those local powers that Lev 17 hints at, I don't think the Israelites would have felt a sense of guilt at having let the demon of the local river down. I think what might have been going on was a much more transactional approach - "I don't feel any sense of devotion to this thing, but if I don't make this offering it will make my life a pain in the butt." I suspect that there was a recognition that this local demon might have had a power beyond the Israelite in question, but there was probably not a sense of worth alongside that. It's like the difference between hero-worship and avoiding getting pounded by a bully - one is a voluntary and heartfelt response, the other is all about fear and negativity. Israel certainly started its relationship with God as worship, but by the time of Jesus you have to wonder if it had all got a bit institutional. My view is that institution and structure have a tendency to preserve and fossilise rather than to fuel passion. Obviously we have to be cautious about reading our own views back onto scripture, but I wonder if it would be fair to say that the majority of what Jesus encountered was about preservation of structures rather than passionate giving of worth.

Today however, that background culture of other realms is not there, so for most of the people we meet we cannot build on an assumption of either of these ideas of worship or appeasement! So, our first task is to introduce God and concepts like his holiness and glory. Lev 16 is part of an unfolding revelation whereby Israel has come to know more and more of God, and at each moment has understood a little more of just how unique and 'other' the LORD is. The thing is I get the impression that the conditions about access are not primarily focussed on the priests failings, but on how much higher God is anyway. It's about the underlying and eternal truths that God is beyond our understanding; that his glory is more than we can imagine; and that the creation exists to declare his glory. You don't make something glorious by making it look as naff as everything else...

Once a person has recognised the truth about God, then the reaction that follows must be one of humility and a sense of how their worth contrasts with His. In that context the cross takes on even more power and glory, as people understand the magnitude of what has been done for them that they could never do for themselves. When someone grasps this it ends up taking root in their soul and producing fruits of confidence and assurance.

Assurance means that people know that they can never argue their way out of God's provision of grace. That barrier is not going back up again. So rather than condemnation every failing brings a fresh gratitude and wonder at the grace we've been blessed with. Lives are transformed from being trapped by the failures of yesterday into being free in the possibilities of tomorrow.

Confidence brings a willingness to take risks, knowing that the Lord of All is with us! Knowing this makes it a lot easier to live according to what we perceive God is asking of us. I recently met someone who had put their whole life aside in order to be obedient in what God had asked of her. I didn't meet someone caught up in fears and anxieties, and I didn't meet someone who viewed life as a sentence to be endured. Instead I met someone who knew they had been changed, who knew that life is and will continue to be an adventure. Discovering confidence has activated her purpose, which has transformed her life!

So, for a short version of what we do and why, there it is...

Things Ain't How They Should Be

2008-08-28T16:22:00.020+01:00

It's a flipping good job too.

I'm having a frustrating afternoon, trying to get a number of strands of thinking to coalesce into something useful. One of the things I've realised over the Summer is that I haven't been giving preparation of talks the attention it deserves, and so I resolved to get serious about it from here on. If you've been the victim of a half-prepared talk of mine in the last year or so, then please accept some humble apologies, and then give thanks to God that out of grace he's used those half-baked ideas to speak to at least a few people over the last year...

The way things should have been is that I should have followed the good old rule of thumb about using three times as much time for preparation as for the actual thing. I should have been diligently peering into the Bible and meditating on it for a couple of weeks before each talk. I should have then moved into a phase of clarifying the ideas and paring it back until I had just one key point to communicate, making sure that all the concepts aligned to point in one glorious direction. The next phase should have been dredging my memory for stories or illustrations to amplify the point, followed by allocating various dodgy accents to the different characters. Finally before anyone else ever heard it it should have been rehearsed at least once by me out loud without anyone hearing. The end result of such a complete and thorough process ought to be a talk which is undeniably worked through, amazingly funny and yet poignant all at the same time. Such a talk should be so steeped in God's word that people are amazed and moved, and all God has to do is make use of this great opportunity I've given him...

If I'd been doing this I think it would be reasonable to expect that lives would be different after a talk like that. After all, I and the talk would deserve it, wouldn't we? All that effort is not going to be wasted, and being so diligent is bound to pay off. The way things should be is that a talk so well-prepared should have a lasting impact on its audience.

Of course, as I've already admitted the reality over the last year hasn't often been quite the same. For all sorts of good reasons I've ended up preparing talks at the last minute, and even I've been confused by the flow and structure of some of them! So how should things be in this inconvenient reality? What should I and my talks deserve as a fitting response? Well, really I ought to be greeted by a mass of confused and pitying faces every time. I ought to find myself standing in front of whatever group of people it is and having the Christian speakers equivalent of a stand-up comic being booed off stage. Taking such casual liberties with the approach I've used over the last year ought to lead to some dramatic train wrecks when speaking! There should have been moments where the whole runaway train of a talk should have jumped the tracks and gone plowing into a hillside...

Speaking of a change of direction, in Leviticus 16 we see how things should be in a different context. v2, "...the LORD said to Moses, "Tell Aaron your brother not to come at any time into the Holy Place inside the veil, so that he may not die..." (English Standard Version) This verse reveals the way things should be with God and us - we should know that if we just wander into the presence of God, it'll kill us. Stone dead. We won't even have time to say, "But Lord..."

God has such a way with words sometimes, doesn't he? We might even be tempted to call him blunt. He doesn't leave much room for poetic license in his instruction there. It's basically, "Come in here and you die!" And he's speaking about Aaron, the top priest in Israel at the time. Aaron's job was to mediate between God and the people, he had to be the go-between, which required him to go in to the Holy Place. Great job prospects eh?

Of course, there's more to it. Verse 2 is better understood along the lines of, "Listen Moses, you go find Aaron (and just to be clear I'm talking about your brother, not some other Aaron) and tell him this: I want him to come into the Holy Place, but he's gotta do it right. He's got to enter when I tell him and in the way I tell him, not just saunter in whenever he feels like it. If he starts to get casual with me, turning up any time of day or night without having given it thought and preparation, thinking that just enough will be good enough, then he's going to die right then. I don't want him to die, but I care more that he gets his head right on eternal things than that he gets to mooch around on earth for another day." (Mark's own translation)

The surrounding chapters are full of laws on cleanliness, holiness and worship, and the rest of chapter 16 goes on to detail the incredibly detailed, involved and expensive way that Aaron should come in to the Holy Place. We might read it and think it all seems a bit unnecessary, but the thing is this - what God required in Lev 16 is exactly the way things should be. If we were just talking about some tinpot pretend god, or some little local spirit like the ones the Lev 17 implies the Israelites might have been sacrificing to out in the fields, then it would be over the top. Thing is we are actually talking about the God who made the entire universe, who sustains all things by his powerful word, who is so far beyond our understanding that even the notion of how he thinks is impossible for us to actually grasp. He is a big deal, and he demonstrates that repeatedly. He doesn't want people to be confused and waste their time trying to appease tinpot local demons, he wants people to be putting their faith in the big kahuna, the top of the tree, the King of Kings - after all if you're going to give your life to something you're going to want to make sure you're not disappointed at the end of it all! So, the way things should be is that if you're casual with God you die. This precedes all questions of morality and behaviour and all the things we get worked up about today. It's just the way it should be.

It's not the way things are though, is it? I was at Soul Survivor this Summer, along with 9,500 others (9,470 of whom are not as talented as our amazing, championship winning, kings and queens of the Uno bandstand, NYFC Gospel Choir - this is a tangent, but they scored a well deserved victory, crushing all before them). All 9,500 of us would go into this big top twice a day to worship God, and there were no goats or linen turbans or any other expensive things needed to stop us from die-ing when we got there. 9,500 people were jumping and shouting and clapping and even climbing on each others shoulders in a very informal manner, all in worshipping God, and the good news is not one of us was smitten from the earth by our mighty God! It's a fairly safe bet that all 9,500 of these people were dirty sinners too. I know they were dirty because the whole site was a mud-pit, and it would have been impossible to stay clean for more than five minutes! I know they were sinners because they were breathing (I was too!). Not one of those people, as far as I know, had undergone extensive repentance and preparation in readiness for entering the Holy Place, i.e. the place where God is. Watching people arrive you would not notice a great holiness evident in them from their conversation and manner as they entered the tent. We were 9,500 unwashed and unworthy wretches dirtying up the throne of God by our presence, and bringing worship in a remarkably casual manner.

Why aren't we dead then? Why am I able to write this a few weeks later?

Heb 10:22 - Therefore, brothers [and sisters too], since we have confidence to enter the holy places by the blood of Jesus, by the new and living way that he opened for us through the curtain, that is through his flesh, and since we have a great high priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water.

This is why. This is an amazing summary of what God has done so that Things Ain't How They Should Be. At the moment that Jesus died on the cross the veil in the temple was torn in two from top to bottom (Matt 27:51) - there was no longer a barrier to the Most Holy Place (Holy Place inside the veil in Lev 16:2). This ought to be bad news for all the casual unprepared people throughout the world. That veil protected us from facing up to God's holiness, but when God ripped it in half he said, "I'm coming out of this temple, ready or not! Oh, and by the way, because I've removed the division, you are already in my Most Holy Place. Owned." So yes, we should be quaking in our wellington boots, except for this bit of Hebrews that says that Jesus opened the way, that he is our high priest, that we can draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, that our hearts have been sprinkled clean and our bodies washed.

A good scholar could probably pull five sermons out of that snippet of Hebrews, but I want to pick up on just a couple of things:

He did it, not me. He chose to remove the barrier, I didn't persuade him. God, who's ways are so far above mine, who's thoughts are too high-powered for me to ever figure out, chose to dismantle the partition that kept us from dirtying up his throne room. He chose to not have us die at that moment too, protecting us from the way things should be. Faced with the choice of the LORD, any choice I make on that matter is kind of irrelevant. So, if I decide that that barrier should go back up how much notice do you think God is going to take of my viewpoint on that one? Pretty much none I'd say. We try to put it back up though don't we? Every time we choose something we know we shouldn't we know we've let ourselves down, and more importantly we've let God down. We think we should suffer for that, so we sit in shame and try to deny that we can approach God. We let fear and failure govern our thoughts and our actions, and in our hearts we say, "God couldn't love me right now. He couldn't want me to worship after what I've just done." We try to escape from the Most Holy Place because seeing his glory makes our inglory seem so much bigger, and we try to build a partition so we can't face up to it. How much notice do you think God takes of our view on that partition? Pretty much none I'd say. He took the barrier down, and it's staying down.
Our hearts have been 'sprinkled clean'. This might sound like a weak metaphor on first reading. We're trained by a world that's into SHOCK'n'AWE, putting on the show, special effects and more is better. I wonder whether we would rather read that God had 'unleashed a mighty deluge like an ocean being poured through a six-foot wide funnel to batter away every last stain of sin from our hearts with the tsunami waves of his awesome love!!' That'd be exciting wouldn't it? Certainly sounds more dramatic and final than being 'sprinkled clean'. Some of us sometimes lack confidence in our salvation - sometimes we want something a little more definite than praying a prayer and giving our lives to Jesus. It doesn't feel hard enough, or dramatic enough, or earth shaking enough. People sometimes say, "I think I'm a Christian,but I'm not sure, can I do it again please?" They look for some mighty experience, rather than having confidence and assurance of faith. We want deluge, not sprinkles. The surprise is that sprinkled is a much more meaningful word than you would think. A long time ago at the start of this piece I mentioned Lev 16, and how Aaron had to do involved and expensive things to enter the Most Holy Place. I count up to seventeen times when what he has to do is sprinkle blood from the sacrifices to make things clean and consecrated. So, when the writer of Hebrews uses the phrase 'sprinkled clean' he's referring to that. He's saying that what has happened is that Jesus by his blood has made us clean and consecrated in a total and complete way. He's saying that what Aaron had to do repeatedly, because it depended on a fallen human, Jesus has done once for all because it depended on our perfect God. I can have whatever experience I want, but it won't save me. What will save me is the sprinkling clean of Jesus blood cleaning and consecrating me. The Bible always views the heart as the centre of life, everything in our life comes out of what the Bible terms our hearts. So if our hearts are sprinkled clean, in a way that is totally dependent on Jesus sacrifice, then there's really nothing more to be done.

So, rejoice, have confidence and assurance. Things ain't what they should be, and it's a flipping good job.

Comments? Any suggestions for improvement before I give this as a talk next week? (That's right I'm preparing in advance!)

Done and Gets Things Smart

2008-08-26T14:50:00.002+01:00

While I was getting ever so slightly distracted from work this afternoon I stumbled across this blog entry from someone who works at Google. It is technically oriented, as he's talking about programmers and other assorted nerd fauna, but it got me thinking about how I assess candidates for jobs here at NYFC.

Shameless Plug...

2008-08-26T10:49:00.003+01:00

...for the most recent thing I've put on vimeo. It's half-hour long, but I'd love you all to watch it.

tenstrangers.org

2008-08-07T10:07:00.002+01:00

This is an idea I had/stole last week, and the site is not quite ready, but I thought I'd preview the idea here. If you'd like to get involved let me know, or just comment with whatever thoughts you have on the idea and it's merits/stupidity ;)

Like all the best ideas tenstrangers.org was inspired by other people. So, the short version is we stole this idea from a group on flickr.
If the short version is enough for you click here (not yet!) to go to the galleries.
the long version

Photography occupies an odd place in our western world these days. On one hand digital technology has democratized photography, making the equipment more accessible and the techniques easier to learn than ever before. Now, with cameras taking all forms from digital SLR's to mobile phones it's hard to go too far from someone who could take your picture.
On the other side our modern paranoia about security and danger mean simultaneously that we are under more imaging surveillance than ever before, and that a photographer is viewed with suspicion first and foremost. We hear about police forces confiscating cameras without justification, we hear about people photographing landscapes being verbally harassed and labelled as perverts, and we hear a constant stream of news which sometimes seems designed to instill as much fear and suspicion as possible in our society.
The trouble is that experimentation and a willingness to take risks have always formed part of some of the best images from the true masters of photography. So for a group of friends wanting to become better photographers in this climate the pressure to hide away and give in can sometimes seem overwhelming.
reconnecting society

So, taking pictures of strangers in an organised way seemed like a great way of stretching us as photographers. The fact that there's a project gives us a sense of legitimacy when we go out and take pictures, and the idea of approaching random strangers and striking up a conversation with them so they'll let us take a photo terrified us enough to feel like it was worth it! Setting a goal of ten strangers each time struck the balance between being achievable and forcing us not to give up too early.
As the idea formed though it began to take on a life of it's own, and grow ideas of it's own. Isn't the bigger problem for our communities that we have become disconnected? We can walk down any street and not know anyone, so naturally we lean towards suspicion. There's a reason people talk about a fear of the unknown. What if this simple 'art project' could begin to reconnect? What if when we took photos the people we pictured became part of the project? What if there was a space where tens of strangers could begin to relate for the first time?
That's what tenstrangers.org is about.

God does not forget us

2008-08-06T10:33:00.003+01:00

For the LORD your God is a merciful God. He will not leave you or destroy you of forget the covenant with your fathers that he swore to them. (Dt 4:31)

Summer is always a tough time financially for NYFC. People are away on holiday and things, and our minds don't seem to turn to giving when the sun is hot and it's so nice on the beach. So, we know that if we're struggling before August it's going to be a difficult run until September. This is one of those years when things are tight, perhaps the nation's fear of the economy is giving people pause for thought or something.

So, we've been praying a lot, but our prayers have not really been about our need, but about God's greatness instead. I keep thinking we should petition the Lord for provision, but we always end up declaring how good He is instead!

This week we have been doing Summer Camp, and young people have been becoming Christians and having their souls transformed. This week we have had £600 given so far, and all while our minds have been on the details of the camp. When I heard that we'd had that money come in I felt once again that reassurance that God does not forget us.

UPDATE: I wrote this this morning at about 10:30, having decided it should be written yesterday. At about 11:30 we received another £3,500! God does not forget us!

Just to clarify...

2008-07-23T20:06:00.002+01:00

Not a big deal, but people seem to be confused about who is running the Hope on The Streets event. The answer is not us! It's not a YFC thing, it is a project which others have put together as part of Hope08. Hope it goes well for everyone involved.

John 1

2008-07-17T16:21:00.003+01:00

I noticed this this morning in a fresh way for me.

35The next day again John was standing with two of his disciples, 36and he looked at Jesus as he walked by and said, "Behold, the Lamb of God!" 37The two disciples heard him say this, and they followed Jesus. 38Jesus turned and saw them following and said to them, "What are you seeking?" And they said to him, "Rabbi" (which means Teacher), "where are you staying?" 39He said to them, "Come and you will see." So they came and saw where he was staying, and they stayed with him that day, for it was about the tenth hour. 40 One of the two who heard John speak and followed Jesu was Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother. 41He first found his own brother Simon and said to him, "We have found the Messiah" (which means Christ). 42He brought him to Jesus. Jesus looked at him and said, "So you are Simon the son of John? You shall be called Cephas" (which means Peter).

One of my commentaries on John suggests that the tenth hour could have meant 10am, instead of 4pm (if this confuses you please understand that most of the time in the Gospels time is counted in the Jewish way, which started in the morning rather than at midnight), as John could have been using Roman time. Either way what happens here is that Andrew and John the Evangelist (the unnamed disciple in this passage) see Jesus, after John The Baptist says, "Look, the Lamb of God." They want to find out more so they follow him and end up going back to his place and hanging out. John remembers it so clearly that years later when he writes his Gospel he can put down what time it was. It seems like they spend the day with Jesus, and then straight away Andrew becomes the first Christian missionary when he goes to tell Simon about Jesus. I can't help wonder just what amazing revelation Jesus shared with them that day, and why didn't John write it down?!! It seems like whatever Jesus talked over with them was enough to convince them they should follow, I would love to know what He said, but then I'd probably want to turn it into a method and say the same thing to everyone, and that would probably miss the point.

Florida Musings

2008-07-17T15:01:00.003+01:00

We went to Florida at the end of June for a family holiday with my Dad and co., and you can see pictures here if you want to know what the holiday part was like.

The part I thought it worth blogging on was visiting Lakeland and going to one of the 'Outpouring' meetings. I was going to add a link at this point, but it's so hard to find a balanced link that I won't bother!

Those of you who know me would probably expect me to be fairly analytical about something like this, perhaps in danger of cynicism, and unsurprisingly I think that's where I was when I went. Having said that I did go wanting to meet God in whatever way He wanted, so I think I was open rather than having pre-judged anything. This paragraph sounds overwhelmingly negative, but my conclusion is more open than that, honest.

I read up a little before going, looking at Todd Bentley's bio on the Freshfire website amongst other things. I have to say there are things which don't resonate easily with me about Todd, like the tattoos, but I figure we all have our failings and flaws, and God often uses humans for his purposes, so those things didn't push me towards negativity.

The evening that I went along to Lakeland I was an hour late - this being a family holiday dinner with the family got priority! I thought I'd mostly be missing the notices and some of the worship - the notices I can always survive missing, and I worshipped along with David Crowder and Third Day in the car as I drove down (about a 45 minute drive from where we were staying). I arrived just after 8pm, and the first thing to stick in my memory is a guy from the car in front falling over laughing in the car park. I have to be honest here and say I took that as a human exageration of what God might have been doing, but I didn't get angry or bitter, just carried on walking towards the tent. After a quick nip to 'unleash the golden stream' (Fridays reference, and I only mention this because the portable toilet blocks were the nicest ones I have ever seen - honestly, if Soul Survivor wash rooms were like this I'd be looking forward to this Summer's trip so much more!) I went in and worked my way to the front during the remaining worship. I wanted to be right at the heart of this mass of people (I reckon around 1,000 that night) worshipping God, rather than observing from the outside. Sonic Flood were leading worship, which was nice.

After about fifteen minutes (which I guess meant they worshipped for an hour or so in all at the start), the worship stopped, and to my disappointment we all had to leave the bit we'd been standing in to worship and go find seats. This meant I ended up miles from the centre, and by default in an observing sort of seat rather than right in at the heart of it. The next hour or so was Todd leading prayers for healings, and having words of knowledge. He felt God had said there would be healings from terminal cancer, which is not something anyone should say without weighing it carefully. There were also testimonies of healings from previous evenings. The things I noticed:

When people were prayed for Todd didn't just do it, he asked the whole congregation to pray, and he emphasised that it was Jesus, not him. I believe it was compassion that drove the congregation's prayers for these people with cancers raging through their bodies, and to me that echoes what I see Jesus doing when he healed people in the New Testament.
There were testimonies of healings, and even some from that night. I'm sure they were filtered to some degree, but I believe people were being genuinely healed from a number of illnesses, some terminal. Todd dominated the short interviews these testimonies were given in a little too much for my liking, but then maybe if he hadn't they would have taken ages.
As the meeting went on I felt like the compassion element took a back seat to spectacle a couple of times.
Todd repeatedly referred to these meetings as revival. I have to say I disagreed with the use of this word - in my mind revival would involve the whole city of Lakeland being there, repenting of their sins and becoming radical disciples of Christ. That didn't happen that night, nor as far as I know has it happened much on other nights. Outpouring is probably a much better term.
A couple of times Todd slipped into justifying his character, calling or methods. He's come in for harsh criticism from some sections of the church, and so I can see why he would do this, but I think it's counter-productive. It has always seemed to me that the only way to deal with people's opinions of NYFC, for example, is to just get on with doing what we're called to, and hope that a) we have a chance to meet with those people personally and build a positive relationship; and b) that it turns out we are doing the right thing and fruit follows. Getting into argument and counter-argument, particularly on a platform (or across the internet) seems like a total waste of time to me.

The sermon started about 10pm, which meant I didn't hear all of it as I needed to leave at 10:30 to get home without falling asleep and dying on the I4 (big road). When I left I think Todd was on point three of fifteen! I didn't feel any sense of disappointment or disobedience about leaving before the end, and without having been prayed for in any way. I felt in fact that God had reminded me of what I felt Him saying a year ago: Luke 9:2 says, "He sent them out to preach the kingdom of God and to heal the sick." I've been prevaricating and procrastinating over this for twelve months, but it seems clear to me that we should be risking something and praying for people to be healed as a part of our every day ministry. It's tempting to theologise away this supernatural part, but I don't think that's what God wants. I think God reminded me about this when I was at Lakeland.

Two final thoughts: whatever is happening at Lakeland I think it's safe to say there is something of God there, and there is something of man there. The God bits are great, so give thanks for them. However, I believe the God bits only come because Todd and others have committed to being humble before God in prayer in a significant way (and this is what encourages me that the whackiness might be God). If people go to lakeland looking to get some anointing imparted to them, but are not willing to be radical disciples of Jesus who humble themselves before God and others it will be a very hollow anointing.

Secondly, I'm not convinced that healing ministries alone will bring masses of people to faith. It's far too easy for someone to dismiss it as mass-psychosis unless you are the one who was healed or you're married to them. If this weren't the case, then the whole of City of Lakeland would have been trying to get into that tent, but they weren't. Again, if we treat the miraculous as a shortcut to actually being who we are supposed to be and doing what we are supposed to do, instead of as an essential accompaniment, we'll be disappointed with the fruit.

Comments welcome.

Famous on Google

2008-06-14T09:11:00.001+01:00

Might be me, or Naomi, but one of us was in the garden when the satellite passed over...

Too Many Photo's? Picajet Might be the Answer

2008-06-02T22:22:00.004+01:00

I've had my Sony A100 Digital SLR for less than a year, but I've already taken more than 8,000 pictures with it! Compare this to 'the old days' when I would have had to pay for film and developing, and not had the instant feedback that a digital camera's playback gives you - I probably used to use about through one film every four months.

There are a couple of problems with this digital age of imagery though. First is the question of actually how many of those 8,000 piccies are actually worth keeping, whether in printed form or digital storage. The second problem is trying to find a particular image that you remember from six months ago but can't remember where you put it, or exactly when you took it. In the old days of film the cost of photography was enough to keep everything manageable!

Google do a great freebie for handling images called Picasa, and I've been using it for a couple of years. Picasa lets you add captions to your pictures and do basic edits, but it relies on you organising your folders into descriptive names if you want it to be easy to find something. I like Picasa, but it began to frustrate me when I decided I didn't like having ten thousand folders to describe every variation on what might be in the photos.

I went down to Somerset (in a day!) a few weeks back and took some photos of one of the white horses, and of Stonehenge. When I got home and pulled the pictures off the camera I put them in a folder called 'Somerset' or something like that. I wanted to label one of them 'White Horse' and the others 'Stonehenge', but I couldn't because Picasa works on the folder level, rather than on individual pictures. So, I could have them all called Stonehenge, or all called White Horse. This bugged me, so I googled for something better.

What I found is called Picajet, and I have to say it is largely great. Why? Well, you can apply any number of tags to any picture, so I could apply tags like 'Somerset', 'Stonehenge' and 'Crazy Druidic Thing' to one picture, any of which could help me find it in six months time. You can also nest tags in overall categories - so for instance, I have one set of tags which are locations, all grouped together, and another set which are groups of people. If you buy the full version there are no limits on the nesting, so you could have Locations->UK->England->Norfolk->Norwich->St Giles->88 as a completely organised hierarchy.

Once you've got your tags sorted you can select from a list of tags, so you could choose to see all your photos from Norwich, and then choose different ways to group how you view them, e.g. by date taken or disk location.

Picajet also includes some basic image editing tools, web albums, archiving, printing, direct upload to flickr (and this of your edited versions, with the original files fully intact on your hard disk - the edits seem to be stored as actions in the Picajet database, rather than as permanant alterations to the image files), RAW conversion, and more. Like Picasa, Picajet is available free, and I have to say it's the better software as far as I can see.

There's also a paid-for version of Picajet, which adds more features, like the ability to search for images by more obscure data - you could look for all the photos taken with a particular focal length, for example. I had trouble importing RAW files from my A100 with the current free version, but got quick support answers from the email address given at the Picajet website, and I suspect that the next update of the free version will handle A100 raws just fine.

In all then, I like Picajet, and if you're finding your images are swamping you you might like it too. This kind of software is referred to as Digital Asset Management software, and after an evening of googling I couldn't find anything as good as Picajet which wouldn't involve spending a hundred quid!

Four Seconds

2008-03-07T09:43:00.001Z

BTW I note that the hand doesn't animate in the first Four Seconds post (scroll down a bit). It therefore makes even less sense than it should. If you click on it you might see what it do what it was meant to...

Four Seconds

2008-03-07T09:40:00.000Z

USAF blocks blog access

2008-02-29T06:13:00.002Z

They say China is naughty for not giving it's people unfiltered access to the internet, then the US Air Force does this!

Four Seconds

2008-02-26T07:13:00.001Z

Give it a moment...

Video Workshop

2008-02-21T14:11:00.002Z

There's lots more I could write about, but I thought I'd show the video created by my 'class' at the video course I gave during half-term last week. Bear in mind they've never done this before...

Flat Calm

2007-12-12T18:07:00.000Z

Light and Shadow

2007-12-12T18:05:00.000Z

Christmas Lights

2007-12-11T18:06:00.000Z

Blogging Frenzy

2007-12-11T18:05:00.000Z

Well, relatively anyway! This feels like the first time in ages...

Anyway, two things:
1) I just discovered Google Reader, which lets you collate feeds from blogs or websites into one place, and if you have an iGoogle home page set up it lets you place the whole lot as a module there. Never again shall I miss that vital insight from a fellow blogger, at least not if they're on my subscription list.
2) I added Michael Yon to my subscription list, and read through some of his recent stuff. I chuckled at this:
"Young British soldiers sometimes get jealous that Americans get to name their operations things like, “Phantom Fury”and “Phantom Strike.” I tell the squaddies that our operations are named by the same people who think up names for professional wrestlers."

Then I read a little further I stopped chuckling:
"The paradox of fighting in armored vehicles is that it’s often important for infantry soldiers to dismount to secure the route for the armor; otherwise the vehicle could be destroyed along with everyone in it.

During tonight’s route clearance, LCpl Jock Fowler’s Warrior approached an intersection, halted, and four soldiers got out to search for bombs in the dark. This act requires great courage. Unfortunately, the enemy had learned devastating techniques from a wide array of sources. These techniques include one said to have been developed in Lebanon: planting massive bombs at intersections. In addition to the bombs, Iraqi snipers and machine gunners often use night-vision gear. Or they simply fire rockets or mortars at an intersection.

The soldiers dismounted into the night: CPL Paul Joszko; Pte Scott Kennedy; Pte Jamie Kerr and Pte Kieren Flower slipped through the darkness toward the intersection. LCpl Fowler was about 20 meters away inside the Warrior when BOOM! the vehicle was slammed by the blast. The blast even rocked the CO’s vehicle parked 70 meters back. The blast was so powerful that Fowler was sure they had been hit, though they had not.

Sgt McLeod was disoriented and temporarily deafened, but dismounted at once taking three soldiers with him into the dark. Smoke and dust were thick, electrical lines snapped and popped, and a larger ambush unfolded. Screams came from the dark and although McLeod could see nothing, he ran toward the screams. IED wounds tend to be dramatic and horrific. This was no exception. One soldier was missing part of his head and was in intense pain from other wounds. Another was badly maimed. The remaining two of the four man team had just ceased to exist. As the dust and smoke cleared, McLeod saw body parts and bloody gear spread all over."

Gifts for The Tuma Household

2007-12-10T19:29:00.000Z

Obviously I'm only writing this because we've been asked what we would like for Christmas, and not because I'm expecting that anyone reading should feel any obligation!

If you're not looking to buy a present for Naomi or I, why not comment on our lists? Good choices, or a naff selection, or maybe you'd suggest something else?!

For Mark:
Music & vids
- Jack Penate, Matinee (CD)
- Kylie Minogue, X (CD) (I know)
- Futurama Seasons 1 or 2 DVD sets
- The Bourne Ultimatum DVD
- ITVV Concorde DVD (nerdy, but a magnificent engineering beastie)
Photography Stuff
- Contribution to the 'pay for Mark's SLR' fund
- Manfrotto 190ProXB Tripod (quite a lot of money this one!)
- P-size ND filters
- Nice books about composing pictures etc.
Clothes
- I need some jumpers, but I also need to lose weight, so maybe it'd be better to wait!
- Smartish non-smart shoes

For Naomi
- A new pair of boots
- Jewellery, earrings are always good apparently
- Books, fiction in the literary mould, prose by Anton Chakov (or Chekov, she can't quite remember)
- Smart Jumpers
- Boots Tokens for buying makeup with

For the Babies
- Thomas the Tank Engine stuff for Daniel
- Dressing Up Stuff for either
- Bob The Builder stuff for either
- Doll stuff for Grace
- 'Little People'
- Duplo

Max Mosley Destroys F1

2007-12-10T18:17:00.000Z

If you agree, go here and sign. ;)

If anyone's looking for gift ideas...

2007-11-25T11:58:00.000Z

http://www.imagekind.com/GalleryProfile.aspx?GID=83bfad5b-ad9c-42ae-9dd5-807b73d0b78f

Isaiah 6:2-3 please ;)

2007-11-20T16:34:00.000Z

Identity

2007-11-07T21:12:00.000Z

I've been thinking about the question of identity recently, and specifically the identity of people within an organisation like NYFC. Someone asked me why I thought it was important the other day, so this is my answer to that question.

1) Identity defines purpose, purpose defines action. Who we think we are makes a huge difference to what we think we're about, and to what we end up doing. An organisation will be most effective when it's members are obsessed with the identity and purpose. I don't think I can afford for NYFC to have 'mere' employees - I think we need people who obsess about our mission and values; people who will be sparking ideas and looking for ways to work out the identity at every moment.
2) The organisation ought to captivate with its identity. I guess if I'm going to look for that attitude then I better make sure the identity of the thing is something worth getting excited about! Part of this is about grasping our history: why does this thing exist? The second part is making sure we & I are continually acting in ways that inspire & achieve - that we live up to the identity.
3) Common identity brings committment to team. It's frustrating when team doesn't function as it should. Sometimes the problem is a lack of commitment from the leader (me), but identity issues bite here too. The least effective (teamwork wise) team members are the ones who are pursuing a different identity - after all, why relate with people whose identity doesn't excite you?
4) Common identity brings committment to direction. This is obvious: if someone doesn't know or like who they are (organizationally speaking), they are not likely to pursue their purpose much. They are certainly going to be hard to lead, as their heart heads somewhere else.

Comments? I'd be interested in whether this is obviously right, rubbish, or somewhere in between!

Parenting

2007-10-30T06:33:00.000Z

Surrender and Inconvenience

2007-09-25T08:56:00.001+01:00

DSC02879
Originally uploaded by Mark Tuma.

This is one of the pictures I took in Cromer at the start of September. In case you can't see what it is it's one of the groynes (spelling?) or breakwaters that run out into the sea every few hundred metres. It exists to stop the sea doing what it wants to do, i.e. remove the beach from Cromer and take it somewhere else. It's a human barrier to prevent nature from taking its course. The residents of Cromer presumably like their beach how it is, and like the fact that their houses haven't fallen into the sea, because let's face it that's just a surprise no-one wants at the end of a hard day's work...

The thing is though, that Cromer, just like the rest of our coast, only exists because at some point previously the sea was unobstructed in its continuing work of shuffling the landscape around. By putting these barriers in the way we save Cromer, but we also prevent something new from being formed somewhere else. Who knows, the new thing might be even better than Cromer (hard to believe I know). Letting the new thing happen would be inconvenient though, so instead we put up these barriers, watch the sea wear them down and then we rebuild them.

Faith in Jesus is supposed to be about surrender and about letting him ruin us, despite the fact it's inconvenient, and actually pretty painful. We put up barriers in all sorts of ways, and all that happens is that there is some 'disruption' when his will collides with our immovable lives, just like in the picture when the wave crashes on the upright kicking up the plume of spray. I'm trying to figure out what it means to live without the barriers, and I'm finding it a difficult and lonely process if I'm honest.

A Quick Muse

2007-09-05T17:20:00.000+01:00

I have some definite blogging to do about some families in Iraq, so please check back for that soon - I'd really like people to engage with how life is in the situation we've all created there...

In the meantime, I've just got back from our annual Staff Retreat, held for the second year in Cromer. We had a great time, and I think it's really helped bond the team, allow God to speak into us and what we do, and set the focus right for the coming year and term. I'm not sure how to summarise what I think are the lessons from the time away, but I might try to do that in another post sometime. If you're interested, some pictures will appear on my flickr soon.

Bubbles and Lights

2007-07-26T22:20:00.001+01:00

Ultrasonic Cleaner Anyone?

2007-07-18T21:07:00.000+01:00

Long shot, but does anyone have a small one of these they might lend me?

2007-07-10T22:20:00.000+01:00

Black Death

2007-07-09T18:33:00.001+01:00

DSC00085bw
Originally uploaded by Mark Tuma.

Ok, so the title's a joke, but Helen asked the question, "why?"

Answer, partly I was playing with the camera, and thought the bird might have the roots of an interesting image. The BW conversion and yellow flower might be a comment about life and death, hope in adversity, etc, or maybe not.

An artist I know who does things with metal and chainsaws (and you know who I mean here I'm sure) told me about some art she'd made one time. Her tutor at the time wanted all sorts of explanations about what she'd planned and things, but the truth was she just did it.

More stuff with the new camera

2007-07-07T15:07:00.000+01:00

This one is a nice piccy, but it demonstrates the small depth of field you get with a wide aperture lens like the Minolta 50mm. This is also one of the first pictures I've done where it's been captured in RAW format and processed on the PC into a JPG later. I got a free copy of Capture One LE with a Sandisk CF card, and I have to give it a big thumbs up. RAW shooting lets you have lots of control over the final image that you don't get if you let the camera do the processing, although it obviously means more time when you do process them, so it's probably best saved for shots that need it.

Since I first wrote this I've discovered that the aperture on my lovely 50mm Minolta lens sticks open. This means it always gives this very narrow depth of field, and won't do anything else. I am faced with a choice: take it apart and clean it as described here (seems like a couple of hours of quite delicate work); live with it and always have the narrow DOF; or try to get another one on ebay. The ebay option seems unlikely as they are quite sought after it seems.